So I am back with an update. We have celebrated a whole year in this lovely house and we are well settled here. The kids are happy in school - Michael started in the reception year in september and has taken to it like a duck to water, and I have my days to myself to do as I please !
Weight wise, since the zoladex and HRT finished I have been in a lot of pain, but my weight has dropped down to 10st 2 again which is nice ! It is bizarre though that a few lbs of weight can make the difference between a size 10, 12 and 14 ! I am able to get into my 10's but only just, and am more comfy in 12's, but 14's are too big by a mile now. I notic the difference now more than I ever did when I was big. I guess I was used to wearing huge clothes back then so everything was big and baggy. Alan hates me in baggy things now so things are more fitted and shapely so I guess this is why I notice the difference between the dress sizes more - there is less room for movement, expansion or bloating ! lol
We have been honoured to be asked to be godparents to our friends child, and the occasion of his christening is coming up in February. I have addressed the clothing dillema this morning though which I am quite pleased about, having got a gorgeous charcoal grey / black skirt suit which is beautifully fitted and feels gorgeous. I intend to wear a brightly coloured jumper or blouse under the jacket to lighten the colour mix, and perhaps a chiffon scarf, although this doesn't lend itself to handling small babies because they like to pull at such things ! I have a pale pink polo neck jumper on today and it actually looks lovely with the suit because I tried it on in the changing room in the shop while I was wearing this jumper. Maybe I will wear this.... don't know yet. We'll see what Alan says. He is the clothes guru when it comes to dressing me the way he thinks I look best. He generally gets it spot on too.
Talking of Alan's clothes taste, he got me a totally gorgeous soft leather jacket for christmas, and a skimpy cream colour off the shoulder jumper. I have a hubby with the best taste ! His Mum bought me a pair of brown leather ankle boots too which are great with my other jackets, and makes me look great ! It's hard for me to see that I look good, because even after all this time I still see me as a huge person. I still worry about my size and shape, and get embarrased about the idea of being weighed infront of anyone. I had to have a pre op assessment for a gynae operation I am due to have (when they bother to call for me) and even then I was not one bit keen to stand on her scales. I haven't got anything to worry about, but old habits die hard. Likewise when I was at work recently the girls and I were talking about weight issues and how it makes you feel underconfident and devalued, and they made a pact to try and lose some weight together. They started by getting the weighing scales and weighing each other. If I had been asked to get onto the scales I would have wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and cry ! It was such an inground shame that I carried for the majority of my life that even now it is still making me feel this way. However I know that I am healthier now than I ever have been. I feel good, and clothes fit me generally without any squeezing ! I still want to get my legs done - they are awful, but until I get this gynae op I can't plan anything.
So that is the update.... not a lot has happened really ! lol
Friday, January 15, 2010
Monday, August 17, 2009
Monday 17th August 2009
Believe it or not, I wrote a massive update to this blog - doing all the usual apologies and excuses for my absence, and the darn internet went off on me and I lost the lot. Ho hum... I will try again !
So, it's been nearly a year since we moved from Northern Ireland to here in Cambridgeshire and it's been an eventful year to say the least ! We moved 3 days before Christmas to our lovely new home which we bought in the nick of time ! It is truly a home now and we are very happy here, and so are the kids. We had to move the kids schools again which was not a decision taken lightly given their upheaval from NI in the first place, however events outside our control in the primary school we had them in meant that moving them was the best bet, and it has turned out to be the right thing for them all. Michael started nursery school there too at the same time, and he is starting in the 'big school' with his brother and sister this september. Rachel has one more year in this school and we have to make the decision again as to where to send her next year for her secondary schooling. Aidan has settled well and has had his educational problems and social difficulties diagnosed as autism now which is something we suspected all along, but it's good to finally have it properly diagnosed and a plan in place for him. I am working just one night a week in a local hospital, and Alan has got a porters job there which he is really enjoying. I quit the weight loss surgery danish company at christmas due to the employers inability to see that the English market is very different to his usual scandinavian clients, and also the fact that he refused to pay me ! I was putting in a 40+ hour week for zip, and that is just an insult that he did not think I was worthy of a wage.
All this aside.... weight loss wise things are just so so. I have endometriosis and progressively things have got pretty bad with it. My gynaecologist tried me on provera three times a day initially but with my tiny stomach pouch, I got the most hideous heartburn which then turned to vomitting, and despite increasing my zantac to 2 and 3 times a day to try and compensate, I knew that I was going to do myself a mischief if I continued with it. I had a bit of a battle to get seen by the consultant again but finally did, and she recommended I had a 6 month course of HRT and Zoladex implants - which works on the pituitary gland in the brain to stop hormone production and induce a menopause. I started the HRT a week before the implant, and my weight increased by 1 stone. Yep- a stone in a week !! I was gutted because my weight had been so stable and I was happy at the weight I was, and then suddenly my lovely size 10 jeans were too tight to wear. I had the zoladex and another 7lbs went on. I have stabilised at 11stone ish now, but this is technically 'overweight' again. I have consoled myself that it was only for 6 months and that this treatment might help take away the pain, but alas I am now at the end of the 6 months course and I have not had a single month's break from the bleeding, and I struggle to keep the weight from ballooning. I had to give in and get size 14 trousers. Alan was right though when he said that a couple of years ago I would have thought all my dreams had come true if I could have fitted into a pair of size 14 anythings ! It's just that at the moment, I don't want to be a size 14 when I have been in a size 10 !
Anyway.... the other thing that has happened this year is I had to have a small umbilical hernia fixed. It was more than likely caused from my tummy tuck and my subsequent rush back to work (because no work = no money) and not giving myself enough time to repair. It popped out when we were moving house from NI and got progressively worse to the point where pushing the trolly around tesco's was painful ! So I have another bit of patchwork on my tum where they have cut and meshed it so it can't pop out again.
Plans for the future ? Well at present I just need to get my health back on track. I just had a horrid week with swine flu, and then subsequently I got a chest infection courtesy of the tamiflu drug. The swine flu was the roughest I have felt in a long time and totally knocked me for six. To add to this, I am anaemic and am now on iron tablets to try and correct this. My Vit B12 was down a bit but Alan stuck a needle in my bum to correct this, and now I just need to get this endometriosis sorted out and my weight back down to where I want it to be, and then I can perhaps think about where to go from here.
I have a very full life with the 3 kids, the house and keeping things ticking by here with family life so I am in no hurry to do too much more. I will play it by ear. I am still here to support and assist anyone who is needing my help with weight loss surgery. It's still a passion of mine, and will always be. I still surprise myself with my reflection even now, and seeing a slim 'me' looking back is wonderful - something I never thought I would have. If I can inspire and help others to feel the same then I am only too happy to do so.
Right... that's the update... I will try not to leave it so long next time !
So, it's been nearly a year since we moved from Northern Ireland to here in Cambridgeshire and it's been an eventful year to say the least ! We moved 3 days before Christmas to our lovely new home which we bought in the nick of time ! It is truly a home now and we are very happy here, and so are the kids. We had to move the kids schools again which was not a decision taken lightly given their upheaval from NI in the first place, however events outside our control in the primary school we had them in meant that moving them was the best bet, and it has turned out to be the right thing for them all. Michael started nursery school there too at the same time, and he is starting in the 'big school' with his brother and sister this september. Rachel has one more year in this school and we have to make the decision again as to where to send her next year for her secondary schooling. Aidan has settled well and has had his educational problems and social difficulties diagnosed as autism now which is something we suspected all along, but it's good to finally have it properly diagnosed and a plan in place for him. I am working just one night a week in a local hospital, and Alan has got a porters job there which he is really enjoying. I quit the weight loss surgery danish company at christmas due to the employers inability to see that the English market is very different to his usual scandinavian clients, and also the fact that he refused to pay me ! I was putting in a 40+ hour week for zip, and that is just an insult that he did not think I was worthy of a wage.
All this aside.... weight loss wise things are just so so. I have endometriosis and progressively things have got pretty bad with it. My gynaecologist tried me on provera three times a day initially but with my tiny stomach pouch, I got the most hideous heartburn which then turned to vomitting, and despite increasing my zantac to 2 and 3 times a day to try and compensate, I knew that I was going to do myself a mischief if I continued with it. I had a bit of a battle to get seen by the consultant again but finally did, and she recommended I had a 6 month course of HRT and Zoladex implants - which works on the pituitary gland in the brain to stop hormone production and induce a menopause. I started the HRT a week before the implant, and my weight increased by 1 stone. Yep- a stone in a week !! I was gutted because my weight had been so stable and I was happy at the weight I was, and then suddenly my lovely size 10 jeans were too tight to wear. I had the zoladex and another 7lbs went on. I have stabilised at 11stone ish now, but this is technically 'overweight' again. I have consoled myself that it was only for 6 months and that this treatment might help take away the pain, but alas I am now at the end of the 6 months course and I have not had a single month's break from the bleeding, and I struggle to keep the weight from ballooning. I had to give in and get size 14 trousers. Alan was right though when he said that a couple of years ago I would have thought all my dreams had come true if I could have fitted into a pair of size 14 anythings ! It's just that at the moment, I don't want to be a size 14 when I have been in a size 10 !
Anyway.... the other thing that has happened this year is I had to have a small umbilical hernia fixed. It was more than likely caused from my tummy tuck and my subsequent rush back to work (because no work = no money) and not giving myself enough time to repair. It popped out when we were moving house from NI and got progressively worse to the point where pushing the trolly around tesco's was painful ! So I have another bit of patchwork on my tum where they have cut and meshed it so it can't pop out again.
Plans for the future ? Well at present I just need to get my health back on track. I just had a horrid week with swine flu, and then subsequently I got a chest infection courtesy of the tamiflu drug. The swine flu was the roughest I have felt in a long time and totally knocked me for six. To add to this, I am anaemic and am now on iron tablets to try and correct this. My Vit B12 was down a bit but Alan stuck a needle in my bum to correct this, and now I just need to get this endometriosis sorted out and my weight back down to where I want it to be, and then I can perhaps think about where to go from here.
I have a very full life with the 3 kids, the house and keeping things ticking by here with family life so I am in no hurry to do too much more. I will play it by ear. I am still here to support and assist anyone who is needing my help with weight loss surgery. It's still a passion of mine, and will always be. I still surprise myself with my reflection even now, and seeing a slim 'me' looking back is wonderful - something I never thought I would have. If I can inspire and help others to feel the same then I am only too happy to do so.
Right... that's the update... I will try not to leave it so long next time !
Friday, September 19, 2008
Friday 19th September 2008
Ok, so please don't shout at me for not writing this sooner. So much has happened in the last couple of months and I really have not had a chance to scratch an itch let alone sit here and type my memoirs ! So here I am now...
We have now finally moved house ! Hooray we all collectively shout ! We still own our house in Northern Ireland and we are hoping to complete soon but with this darn credit crunch everything is on a go slow for our buyer getting his small mortgage. It will happen soon but not soon enough for us !! Anyway, we are here in Cambridgeshire now and settling in to our new lives here, new schools, new jobs. I have been working at a local Nursing home for a couple of nights a week and Alan has been driving for a local recruitment agency doing all sorts of odd hours. The kids are going to a school which is within walking distance and so I am delighted that I get to walk them to and from school each day - It's funny really, I used to do a lot of walking when I had take the kids to school in NI. I used to take Michael in his pram around the town and I have missed that. I know it's not a million miles to this school but it's really nice to get out walking again. When I am having a 'fat day' - (days where I know I have eaten things that I should not have eaten and my muffin belly top is feeling a little bloated) I walk a little harder and a little faster and have a little work out there and back. I guess because I am walking both ways twice a day it comes to just over a mile a day. Ok, it's not far but every little helps !
The twiggy show was fun. The camera crew came over to the house in NI and filmed me talking through my clothes in my wardrobe. I tried not to be nervous about it, and talk to the person behind the camera rather than this big shiney lens in my face ! I talked through my clothes and it was interesting for me to analyse perhaps why I had bought a particular item of clothing - my catsuit for instance - I have yet to wear it but I love the fact that I have it in my wardrobe waiting for the right moment ! It's an item of clothing that I could never ever have worn before my weight loss, or even my plastics so it's a celebration of my weight loss journey to have something so skimpy and lovely in there ! Then there were jumpers which probably swamp me but I love them because they are like a security blanket to me. I held up my huge old jeans size 30-32... ugh..... and they laughed at the size of them. I said laughing aside though that I would never wish to part with these jeans because I never want to forget what it felt like to be that size. It was not that long ago that I was wearing those jeans without the need for a belt, and they were tight. If I forget what it was like to be that size then I can't do my job right. I want to be able to empathise with people about their size and show them that I totally understand what it's like to feel like an outcast, judged for their size not the human being they are, humiliated in the street when a nasty comment is shouted at you.... i remember it all because I was that person on the receiving end of it. If I got rid of those jeans though I might forget and that would be a bad thing. They are a symbol. I did allow them to take one pair of my jeans though and believe it or not they turned them into a little miniskirt for some skinny girl on the show !
Kelly and I travelled over to London for the filming and it was an interesting day to say the least. We stayed in a local travel lodge type hotel just along the Kings Road in Hammersmith. There were 5 other ladies being filmed like me for the show and with our mates with us we all met up at the studio at about 9ish. I was taken to the wardrobe room and blindfolded so they could try my outfit on me without letting me see what I was wearing ! I was not expecting a dress at all. I was also put in massive high heels too and I am amazed I did not break my neck ! They took me into the studio before the others too and interviewed me about my weight loss and about my clothes. They held up the size 30-32 jeans before taking them off to be made into the miniskirt ! They allowed me to have my leather jacket back though. I had put this much loved jacket in for swapping because it really was too big on me. I loved it though because it was so different to other jackets. They surprised me by saying that it was not going to be swapped, it was going to be tailored to fit me again. So there I was in this surreal world with bright lights and gorgous clothes around me, minor celebrities talking to me, and about 5 cameras pointing at me, and I was thinking... OMG is this really happening? Me? No, it can't be. Very very wierd feeling.
They took me off to hair and makeup later on and they did an incredible job on me. I loved every moment and asked them if they would like to move in with me !I could happily have them both do my hair and makeup on a daily basis and make me look like they did that day. I was taken off to wardrobe again and this is where I was allowed to see the dress. OK, I would not have picked it myself to be honest. Alan was not impressed either, because I have this fantastic chest now and it was not on display ! That aside though, with the makeup and the hair, and the attention I was getting, I felt like a zillion dollars and I loved it. I had to be interviewed again by Lauren Levern and she was full of complements for the new look. I then had to do the 'reveal' where each of us had to walk out from behind these screens and go and waggle our tooshies infront of the camera. It was again most bizarre, but I honestly didn't care by then. I really had enjoyed the day and I felt good and that was all that mattered. I welled up when they let me see myself in the mirror. I could not have pictured myself looking like that 2 years ago, and now here I was standing there about to go on TV like this model. It was a very moving moment for me. I managed to grab a few items of clothing too which were part of my swap so I was happy with that too. I did pass Twiggy in the corridor but she never spoke to me, but was I gutted.. you have got to be kidding ! She's not all that ! I was interviewed for the radio times too, and photographed.... I dread to think how that will turn out. Wish they had taken my photo after the makeover !!
The magazine article came out too and I was not that impressed with it to be honest. It portrayed my parents in a bad light as far as I could tell, and the title on the front that said I had surgery to stop me looking like my mother made me so annoyed. I never said that, and never would. Gladly they both knew that this was the magazines artistic licence but all the same, it was not something I wished to brag about being in.
So now we are here in Cambridgeshire I have started working for a company called International Healthcare who are a Danish company who are sending patients to Bruno. I am flying over to Belgium next saturday to meet with him for the day. That is going to be a busy day. I hate driving any distance at the best of times, but driving during the night is going to be rough. I am determined to do it though, the plane cost too much for me to miss it ! I have to go to Gatwick because the Eurostar is not taking bookings at the moment after their fire in the tunnel last week. What a pain ! I shall wear a nice suit though and do my best to impress ! I really want this job to work for us so we can buy this house based on the salary I shall be bringing in.
So that is us pretty much up to date. Working hard, not sleeping very much.... but I do feel we are in the right place and that exciting times are ahead of us.
We have now finally moved house ! Hooray we all collectively shout ! We still own our house in Northern Ireland and we are hoping to complete soon but with this darn credit crunch everything is on a go slow for our buyer getting his small mortgage. It will happen soon but not soon enough for us !! Anyway, we are here in Cambridgeshire now and settling in to our new lives here, new schools, new jobs. I have been working at a local Nursing home for a couple of nights a week and Alan has been driving for a local recruitment agency doing all sorts of odd hours. The kids are going to a school which is within walking distance and so I am delighted that I get to walk them to and from school each day - It's funny really, I used to do a lot of walking when I had take the kids to school in NI. I used to take Michael in his pram around the town and I have missed that. I know it's not a million miles to this school but it's really nice to get out walking again. When I am having a 'fat day' - (days where I know I have eaten things that I should not have eaten and my muffin belly top is feeling a little bloated) I walk a little harder and a little faster and have a little work out there and back. I guess because I am walking both ways twice a day it comes to just over a mile a day. Ok, it's not far but every little helps !
The twiggy show was fun. The camera crew came over to the house in NI and filmed me talking through my clothes in my wardrobe. I tried not to be nervous about it, and talk to the person behind the camera rather than this big shiney lens in my face ! I talked through my clothes and it was interesting for me to analyse perhaps why I had bought a particular item of clothing - my catsuit for instance - I have yet to wear it but I love the fact that I have it in my wardrobe waiting for the right moment ! It's an item of clothing that I could never ever have worn before my weight loss, or even my plastics so it's a celebration of my weight loss journey to have something so skimpy and lovely in there ! Then there were jumpers which probably swamp me but I love them because they are like a security blanket to me. I held up my huge old jeans size 30-32... ugh..... and they laughed at the size of them. I said laughing aside though that I would never wish to part with these jeans because I never want to forget what it felt like to be that size. It was not that long ago that I was wearing those jeans without the need for a belt, and they were tight. If I forget what it was like to be that size then I can't do my job right. I want to be able to empathise with people about their size and show them that I totally understand what it's like to feel like an outcast, judged for their size not the human being they are, humiliated in the street when a nasty comment is shouted at you.... i remember it all because I was that person on the receiving end of it. If I got rid of those jeans though I might forget and that would be a bad thing. They are a symbol. I did allow them to take one pair of my jeans though and believe it or not they turned them into a little miniskirt for some skinny girl on the show !
Kelly and I travelled over to London for the filming and it was an interesting day to say the least. We stayed in a local travel lodge type hotel just along the Kings Road in Hammersmith. There were 5 other ladies being filmed like me for the show and with our mates with us we all met up at the studio at about 9ish. I was taken to the wardrobe room and blindfolded so they could try my outfit on me without letting me see what I was wearing ! I was not expecting a dress at all. I was also put in massive high heels too and I am amazed I did not break my neck ! They took me into the studio before the others too and interviewed me about my weight loss and about my clothes. They held up the size 30-32 jeans before taking them off to be made into the miniskirt ! They allowed me to have my leather jacket back though. I had put this much loved jacket in for swapping because it really was too big on me. I loved it though because it was so different to other jackets. They surprised me by saying that it was not going to be swapped, it was going to be tailored to fit me again. So there I was in this surreal world with bright lights and gorgous clothes around me, minor celebrities talking to me, and about 5 cameras pointing at me, and I was thinking... OMG is this really happening? Me? No, it can't be. Very very wierd feeling.
They took me off to hair and makeup later on and they did an incredible job on me. I loved every moment and asked them if they would like to move in with me !I could happily have them both do my hair and makeup on a daily basis and make me look like they did that day. I was taken off to wardrobe again and this is where I was allowed to see the dress. OK, I would not have picked it myself to be honest. Alan was not impressed either, because I have this fantastic chest now and it was not on display ! That aside though, with the makeup and the hair, and the attention I was getting, I felt like a zillion dollars and I loved it. I had to be interviewed again by Lauren Levern and she was full of complements for the new look. I then had to do the 'reveal' where each of us had to walk out from behind these screens and go and waggle our tooshies infront of the camera. It was again most bizarre, but I honestly didn't care by then. I really had enjoyed the day and I felt good and that was all that mattered. I welled up when they let me see myself in the mirror. I could not have pictured myself looking like that 2 years ago, and now here I was standing there about to go on TV like this model. It was a very moving moment for me. I managed to grab a few items of clothing too which were part of my swap so I was happy with that too. I did pass Twiggy in the corridor but she never spoke to me, but was I gutted.. you have got to be kidding ! She's not all that ! I was interviewed for the radio times too, and photographed.... I dread to think how that will turn out. Wish they had taken my photo after the makeover !!
The magazine article came out too and I was not that impressed with it to be honest. It portrayed my parents in a bad light as far as I could tell, and the title on the front that said I had surgery to stop me looking like my mother made me so annoyed. I never said that, and never would. Gladly they both knew that this was the magazines artistic licence but all the same, it was not something I wished to brag about being in.
So now we are here in Cambridgeshire I have started working for a company called International Healthcare who are a Danish company who are sending patients to Bruno. I am flying over to Belgium next saturday to meet with him for the day. That is going to be a busy day. I hate driving any distance at the best of times, but driving during the night is going to be rough. I am determined to do it though, the plane cost too much for me to miss it ! I have to go to Gatwick because the Eurostar is not taking bookings at the moment after their fire in the tunnel last week. What a pain ! I shall wear a nice suit though and do my best to impress ! I really want this job to work for us so we can buy this house based on the salary I shall be bringing in.
So that is us pretty much up to date. Working hard, not sleeping very much.... but I do feel we are in the right place and that exciting times are ahead of us.
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Thursday 17th July, 2008
I got a call from That's life magazine yesterday and they read my story back to me so that I could approve of what they were printing about me ! They had the usual stereotypical 'plates piled high with food and stodge' as being the reason for my weight gain but I set that bit straight because really it wasn't like that at all. They've used a bit of artistic license too with the details but nothing that bends the truth out of all measure, it just makes it more readable. They told me that the feature comes out on August 7th but the date on the front is August 14th. I hope I don't look like an idiot in it !!
The BBC are coming here next Thursday to do their background filming so I have been thinking.... omg, what will I look like with my big tired panda eyes ! I have decided that monday will be my last night before they come so I don't have those big black bags under my eyes, but now I am also worrying about what I should wear too ! I can straighten my hair, that's not a problem, but what should I wear to make myself look presentable. I don't want to have to 'suck it in' all day but at the same time I don't want to look like I wobble when I walk either ! Once I get past next thursday I have the 14th August to look towards too, and what I will wear and look like on that day in London ! Oh help !!! Why oh why did I put myself forward for this ?! I so don't want to look like a jerk !
Anyway. I am keeping this post short and sweet today. Nothing special to report really. Working crazy number of nights and feeling like a zombie. Have a headache today which won't shift too, and didn't sleep much today so I expect I'm going to be shattered tonight at work. Ho hum.
The BBC are coming here next Thursday to do their background filming so I have been thinking.... omg, what will I look like with my big tired panda eyes ! I have decided that monday will be my last night before they come so I don't have those big black bags under my eyes, but now I am also worrying about what I should wear too ! I can straighten my hair, that's not a problem, but what should I wear to make myself look presentable. I don't want to have to 'suck it in' all day but at the same time I don't want to look like I wobble when I walk either ! Once I get past next thursday I have the 14th August to look towards too, and what I will wear and look like on that day in London ! Oh help !!! Why oh why did I put myself forward for this ?! I so don't want to look like a jerk !
Anyway. I am keeping this post short and sweet today. Nothing special to report really. Working crazy number of nights and feeling like a zombie. Have a headache today which won't shift too, and didn't sleep much today so I expect I'm going to be shattered tonight at work. Ho hum.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Sunday 13th July, 2008
I have been on a set of 4 nights so I have not had a chance to get to this blog for a few days. I wanted to post about the photographer that came round on thursday though, for That's Life Magazine !
I had all the usual panic about what I was going to wear, and a late night hair dying session to get rid of my roots, the night before he came, and Al was brilliant as ever, advising me what I should and should not wear.
He arrived about 11am, and was here for about an hour and a half. Al did not want to be in the pics at all which is fair enough, but they wanted pics of the kids and me together and they had a ball ! He had me sitting with the 3 of them on the sofa, and then some pics of me alone in the dining room, and then Michael came in to me and wanted to be picked up. The photographer nodded and was clicking away all the while I was cuddling Michael and giving him kisses ! It was so lovely !! He took pics of us out in the garden and then I mentioned that I had a pair of my old jeans which I'd put Aidan into with me at Christmas time and walked him round the house. He said ' ooh that's great, can you go and get them ?' lol ! So we did the skinny girl in big jeans photo and then Aidan in them with me, and then Rachel in one leg and Aidan in the other. At first it was funny and then it got me thinking that it was not actually that funny that I used to be able to wear these trousers without a belt even and that they were tight on me. These jeans were being held up for all to see what a grotesque monster I must have been pre op, and that I must have been so huge that it's impossible to believe such a woman existed. Ok, I am sure I am exagerating there, but you know what I mean. I WAS that person though, and I was ashamed of being that size and I AM glad I am not that size anymore, but I still have feelings and I still remember what it was like to fit those trousers.
I kicked myself up the bum though and decided that if even just one person reads my story and seeks help for themselves then it is worth the ridicule for these photos.
I had all the usual panic about what I was going to wear, and a late night hair dying session to get rid of my roots, the night before he came, and Al was brilliant as ever, advising me what I should and should not wear.
He arrived about 11am, and was here for about an hour and a half. Al did not want to be in the pics at all which is fair enough, but they wanted pics of the kids and me together and they had a ball ! He had me sitting with the 3 of them on the sofa, and then some pics of me alone in the dining room, and then Michael came in to me and wanted to be picked up. The photographer nodded and was clicking away all the while I was cuddling Michael and giving him kisses ! It was so lovely !! He took pics of us out in the garden and then I mentioned that I had a pair of my old jeans which I'd put Aidan into with me at Christmas time and walked him round the house. He said ' ooh that's great, can you go and get them ?' lol ! So we did the skinny girl in big jeans photo and then Aidan in them with me, and then Rachel in one leg and Aidan in the other. At first it was funny and then it got me thinking that it was not actually that funny that I used to be able to wear these trousers without a belt even and that they were tight on me. These jeans were being held up for all to see what a grotesque monster I must have been pre op, and that I must have been so huge that it's impossible to believe such a woman existed. Ok, I am sure I am exagerating there, but you know what I mean. I WAS that person though, and I was ashamed of being that size and I AM glad I am not that size anymore, but I still have feelings and I still remember what it was like to fit those trousers.
I kicked myself up the bum though and decided that if even just one person reads my story and seeks help for themselves then it is worth the ridicule for these photos.
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Tuesday 8th July, 2008
I have been hard at work these last couple of weeks but here's my latest. I have managed to regain about 7lbs bringing me back to 9st 10 which still means I have lost 11 stone in total but I am maintaining here now and I am very happy at that. Although watching the scales go up again was scary and disturbing for me, I knew that I needed to regain some weight too so it was a case of grin and bear it. I have been munching away on anything and everything around me. I have found that since returning from Brugge I have been more tolerant to milk and bread which means I have been able to eat cereal and toast again. I have been eating my body weight in toast when I am at work because generally I don't know what cooking facilities there are on all the different wards I work on, but I know there is always toast available ! I have found that I have to eat every couple of hours though or I have a hypo - a drop in blood sugars - which causes me to shake and then sweat and if I don't correct it then I am in trouble ! I am thinking that I need to revise my medi alert bracelet because at the moment it reads 'No NG and No Sugar' on it but infact it's more complicated than that. I have not dumped in over a year or so, and I generally won't eat anything that will make me dump so if I do end up unconscious then I need to be treated as a diabetic having a hypo. So what should I have put on my medi alert bracelet ? I will have to get a new bracelet made up anyway because we are hoping to be on the move soon and the 'in case of emergency' telephone number for my husband will have to change to our new one. I will have to give it some thought.
Some exciting things have been happening today !! A few weeks ago I applied to the BBC for a new programme they are filming called Fashion Divas. I can't really say too much about it at the moment because I don't know much about it myself, but they called me 2 weeks ago and asked me to recommend a friend to bring with me if we got picked for the show. I recommended my mate Kelly who is also a Dillebabe and Dedonckerite ! I called her and she was up for it too, so she applied and sent photos, and they were on the phone with me asking me about my weight loss etc for over half an hour. Today they phoned me again and asked if they could come over to do some background filming !! Of course I said yes !!! The other exciting thing that happened today was That's life! magazine were on the phone wanting to run a story on my parents and me, and our bypasses. They have asked for photos of my parents and are calling me next week to do a 45 minute interview. When she phoned today to interview me, I directed her to my website http://www.wlshelp.co.uk/ and she went off and had a look at it. When she came back to me this afternoon my single page spread had become a double page feature article !! How cool is that !?
I called my parents straight away and they consented to it, and sent photos of themselves pre op and now. I have not seen them in such a long time so seeing these photos was superb for me too. They are looking incredible !! What a difference a year has made. The before and after photos are so amazing, and they both look so well. I am so proud of their achievements and am deeply indebted to Bruno Dillemans for giving them this wonderful surgery. Their health has improved a hundred fold and Mum says she has not been her current weight in 16 years ! Well done to both of you, Mum and Dad. I am sooooo pleased you bit the bullet and had this operation done. I know it must have been scary for you, but it has given you both a new lease of life that you could never have imagined before. Thank you for trusting me to find you the best surgeon and the best operation for you both. Your faith in me means a lot.
Since my return to Brugge I have gone from strength to strength. I am feeling so good now and cannot believe I put up with so much pain for such a long time. My lap scars are all pretty well healed up and I am moving about as if nothing had happened ! Wonderful !
Thanks again for reading my blog. I know I have a few faithful readers out there who have followed my story from the start and I wanted to thank you for your interest and continued support.
Some exciting things have been happening today !! A few weeks ago I applied to the BBC for a new programme they are filming called Fashion Divas. I can't really say too much about it at the moment because I don't know much about it myself, but they called me 2 weeks ago and asked me to recommend a friend to bring with me if we got picked for the show. I recommended my mate Kelly who is also a Dillebabe and Dedonckerite ! I called her and she was up for it too, so she applied and sent photos, and they were on the phone with me asking me about my weight loss etc for over half an hour. Today they phoned me again and asked if they could come over to do some background filming !! Of course I said yes !!! The other exciting thing that happened today was That's life! magazine were on the phone wanting to run a story on my parents and me, and our bypasses. They have asked for photos of my parents and are calling me next week to do a 45 minute interview. When she phoned today to interview me, I directed her to my website http://www.wlshelp.co.uk/ and she went off and had a look at it. When she came back to me this afternoon my single page spread had become a double page feature article !! How cool is that !?
I called my parents straight away and they consented to it, and sent photos of themselves pre op and now. I have not seen them in such a long time so seeing these photos was superb for me too. They are looking incredible !! What a difference a year has made. The before and after photos are so amazing, and they both look so well. I am so proud of their achievements and am deeply indebted to Bruno Dillemans for giving them this wonderful surgery. Their health has improved a hundred fold and Mum says she has not been her current weight in 16 years ! Well done to both of you, Mum and Dad. I am sooooo pleased you bit the bullet and had this operation done. I know it must have been scary for you, but it has given you both a new lease of life that you could never have imagined before. Thank you for trusting me to find you the best surgeon and the best operation for you both. Your faith in me means a lot.
Since my return to Brugge I have gone from strength to strength. I am feeling so good now and cannot believe I put up with so much pain for such a long time. My lap scars are all pretty well healed up and I am moving about as if nothing had happened ! Wonderful !
Thanks again for reading my blog. I know I have a few faithful readers out there who have followed my story from the start and I wanted to thank you for your interest and continued support.
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Thursday 19th June, 2008
Since my last post, so much has happened. I have lots to tell you so go and make a cup of coffee, have a pee, watch Eastenders, all the things you need to do before sitting here and spending the next hour or so with me !!
Eastenders last night was a blinder so I really would not want you to miss it if you are planning on watching a replay....
Ok, so since my last post I have been in serious pain with my tummy. I was discharged on the self diagnosis that as they could not find anything wrong with me, I had IBS. I was on Buscopan for this, and yes, for the first couple of weeks it helped. The deep inside pain never left me though, it went right through to my back and was there all the time. At times it was intolerable, and I would not know where to put myself, and at other times, I was so dosed up on pain killers that although it was sore, I really didn't care too much. Either way, I could not work. I had to wear baggy size 12 trousers, generally with the button undone when I was sitting, ( bagy size 12's - get me eh !? A year or so ago I would have been cursing myself for thinking size 12 was baggy at all - more like a dream size to be, but I am now an 8-10 and 12's really are loose on me to the point where Al has physcially pulled my trousers downwards and they have come off without undoing the buttons, much to the kids hilarity !I digress..... ) because my tummy was so swollen and sore that anything tighter was too painful.
I went back to the GP (- incidentally my wonderful Dr Carlisle passed away at her own hand. She took an overdose and to this day I am still shocked and in a state of disbelief about her passing.) and saw the locum. I told her that the Buscopan was not helping me enough, and she put me on Spasmonal. By this stage I was carrying around a small plastic bag of tablets wherever I went. The contents - Tramodol, Co-codamol 30/500, Spasmonal, Colpermin, Buscopan, Ranitadine and Multivitamins. If you had shaken me I would have sounded like a maracca. I tried the Spasmonal and yet the pain never really left me. I was taking Buscopan and Spasmonal every 4 hours, alternately so I always had something working on the smooth muscle of my bowel. Looking back, it was ridiculous and no way to live going from one tablet to the next and clock watching to see when I could take something else.
I put up with it for 5 weeks, and then when I was due to go back to work my tummy bloated out to the point where I could not even do my trousers up. I had to call in sick which really annoyed me, but what could I do. I spent the night rocking back and forth holding a heat pad to my back and crying in pain, dosed to the eyeballs with medication. I called the doctors the nex day and got an appointment to see him that afternoon. When he saw me he did a thorough investigation and was very good. He said that he did not think that this was IBS because it should have started to calm down by then. It most certainly hadn't and in fact I was getting worse by the day. He said that he was going to refer me to the Royal Hospital to get some specialist advice, and also send me for an ultrasound scan. He asked me if I had spoken to my consultant in Belgium about this pain because he would certainly know more about this pain than he did, if it was RNY related. I said I would contact him but as everyone had reassured me thus far that it was nothing to do with the RNY I hadn't done so already.
That was the thursday afternoon. On Friday morning I sat down at my laptop and wrote a short email to Marc Van De Ryse ( Bruno Dillemans assistant) and asked him to forward my email to Bruno as a matter of urgency. I explained what had been happening and the pain I was in, and what happened next I did not expect at all.
I came back to the computer later on that afternoon and was greeted by a reply to my email now marked URGENT. Yikes !! Marc had sent Bruno my email and he had replied immediately saying that he thought it was a sign of a partial and temporary sub-obstruction of the small bowel due to adhesions of the RNY or twisting of the small bowel around it's axis. He insisted that I needed a diagnostic laparoscopy which he recommended he did because he knew the surgery well and this surgery takes experience. He insisted that I call him and hehad provided several telephone numbers to call him on straight away.
The hairs on my neck were standing on end by now because I really knew now that this was not IBS no matter how much I had convinced myself, and that I needed surgery. Of course I called Bruno as quickly as I could and although he was in theatre he took my call and told me to get over to Brugge asap.
I told Alan as soon as he was home from work, and then we started scratching our heads as to how we could make this happen. Bruno wanted to see me over in Brugge on the following Tuesday for a consultation where he would decide what to do with me. Frances (my mother in law) would come with me and we would fly out on Monday afternoon. Marc was superb and had the Acacia Hotel booked for me straight away, and before I knew it, I was good to go. I went to work that night with a sinking feeling of inpending surgery. At the same time, I knew that Bruno was the best person for the job and was also looking forward to seeing him again.
I was sore at work and the staff could see I was in pain, but I guess when I was dosed up I was more able to hide the pain.
The weekend passed too quickly and before I knew it I was kissing my 3 beautiful kids goodbye and heading off to the airport. It was tough on them seeing me leaving yet again. It affected Rachel the most because it had all happened so fast and she didn't have time to come to terms with me leaving. The teacher was superb with her though, and moved other kids so she could sit next to her best mate Jennifer and be comforted. It breaks my heart that she was so upset, but I really had no choice.
Monday 2nd June, 2008
Al dropped me and his Mum off at the bus station in Belfast and we took the Dublin airport bus from there. It meant that Al didn't have to get the kids out of school early to take us all the way, and it saved on fuel too. Kissing him goodbye was hard going. When I was going away before I knew roughly what was going to happen, but this time I really was stepping into the unknown. I was scared - I guess he was too. I sat at the bus station and had a little cry in the toilets so Frances didn't see me being weak, and then I got on that bus and decided to make the best of this trip so I could come back fit and healthy for my family.
We got to Dublin airport at 1.15pm and made our way to check in. They were already open so it was good to get rid of the case nice and early. We went up to the restaurant and had a bite to eat because we didn't know when we would be eating again ! The plane was delayed 1/2 hour but once we got going it was a smooth enough journey.
We arrived at Charleroi airport and took the bus to Brussels Midi train station, where we found our way (eventually) to the ticket office and purchased tickets to Brugge. Our feet were swelling and sore from the journey - I was deeply regretting not wearing my trainers, because my toes had lost skin on the toes with these shoes rubbing ! They matched my jacket though and that was reason enough to wear them that morning with little thought for the journey ahead !! The train journey was smooth enough too, and then a short taxi ride to the Acacia I was almost transported back in time !! The place has not changed much and it felt very familiar. The whole town during the week there felt strangely homely to me. I had not been there for more than a week and half of that was in hospital first time I was there, but Ellen and I had walked round the town so many times I knew it like the back of my hand, and still did !!! Brugge is such a gorgeous place. I would love to go there and yet not need surgery, one day !!
We got to the hotel about 10.30pm checked in and then went to bed. We were pooped, and my tummy was seriously sore after trauma of the journey - luggage handling and more movement than I had done in weeks.
Tuesday 3rd June, 2008
Hada restless night- partly due to being nervous about what lay ahead, and patly due to Frances snoring !! I was comforted that she was there with me though, and grateful she had dropped everything at a moments notice to come with me. I was up at 7.15am and showered. The showers over there are fierce and totally awesome !! I got dressed - Al had helped me pick my wardrobe for the week advising me what went with what, and what made me look slimmest ! We had chosen a white figure hugging top for tuesday but with the journey the day before my tummy was not one bit flat ! I was more like a wee pot bellied pig, and so I decided to change into my pink top and white jeans, pink flat shoes and black jacket. I looked goooood ! I dosed up on all the meds I had with me, and then we went for breakfast. I bloated up even more afer breakfast. I dared to sip a little champagne but didn't finish it. I just wanted to say I had tried it since I didn't get any first time I was here ! I could not do my jeans up after breakfast but sucked it in before going and getting in the taxi to the hospital. It was not a bad thing though - Bruno would see me when I was like that and have a better idea of what was going on.
I was looking forward to a wander round the shops later on - surmising that Bruno would operate on me on wednesday. Little did I know !
It was funny being there with Frances - just her and me. Funny in a nice way. I felt so close to her and it was very comforting to have her there with me. Getting in the taxi though, my pulse was racing and I was missing Al and the kids so much.
So we got to the hospital and it all came flooding back to me, where to go, what to do. We went up to the 5th floor and I checked to see if Bruno or Marc were there yet. Neither were. We sat down and there beside us was a couple of english girls, one of whom was post op ! She was my Dillebabe from the WLSinfo forum called Pink Princess, Lu - and was there to get seen by Bruno and given the all clear to go and get on the Eurostar. She asked if I was Marika, and we had a great conversation. She was looking well a although had a rough time by the sounds of it, was most definitely on the mend. I then saw Marc arrive and I went over to tell him we had arrived. He was gobsmacked at the change in me, and it confirmed what I had jokingly told him in an email that weekend, that I would come and find him because he would walk straight past me now ! He took us into the consultation room and we chatted over a cup of coffee. I was having a little sugar withdrawal at the time and felt a bit odd but I think it was also my nerves. Bruno arrived and was also very impressed with his handiwork !! He then sat down with us and talked about my symptoms. He was very concerned that this had been mistreated in the UK as he could clearly see what pain I was in. He said he was going to operate on me the following day and then took another look at me ad changed his mind. He didn't want to leave me a moment longer, and wanted to operate straight away. I had just taken a cup of coffee but that didn't bother them because I have no stomach to retain it in anyway. They sent me up to the 6th floor for blood tests, and then I was sent down to the reception to book in, and then up to the 10th floor to my ward. Talk about deja vue !! Marc had offered to help Frances with anything she needed, so I asked him to take her back to the hotel to get my things, and then bring her back again. When she knew where the ward was, she went off with Marc, while I stayed and waited on the nurses finding me a bed. I was expecting to go at 5pm for my surgery, and had told Alan that this was the plan but when the charge nurse came and found me, he told me to get changed straight away because they were taking me down to theatre right away. He asked me why I was back again and I told him that Bruno thought I had a small bowel obstruction. He looked me up and down and said that I didn't look like I did- to which I replied, 'You should have seen me 5 weeks ago!'. I guess when you are in pain for a long while you learn to live with it. I was not even given time to call Alan, I was whisked off to theatre with beautiful make up, and that was that !
I came to in recovery with the usual post op pain, but decided to keep quiet and they would take me back to the ward asap. I so wanted to call Alan and speak to him. I had a horrible - and I realy mean this - HORRIBLE - sump tube ( it's a thick naso gastric tube) down through my nose to my lower bowel. It was painful because it was pushing on my throat and my nose and then making me feel sick too. Ugh. As soon as I was back on the ward I begged them to remove it, and thankfully the doctor agreed. I have never been so pleased to see the back of anything ! I had done a quick body check in recovery too - I didn't know what I was going to find, so it was a little unnerving. I felt a stoma bag on my left side which raised alarm bells, but when I took a look it was a drain not a colostomy, so I sighed a big sigh of relief. I was delighted to see Frances waiting on me, and I think she was too !
Bruno came round shortly after and told me that I had a lot of adhesions from the tummy button and the RNY causing the small bowel to twist like a string of sausages. He said it had taken him 40 mins to untwist the bowel alone, and release the adhesions. He said he also found 2 hernias which he repaired one on my left side and one at my belly button. He repaired some holes in my muscle too where further hernias could have formed. He said that he did not operate a moment too soon. He said that it would only have been a matter of time before I had obstructed totally, and then it would have been a long laparotomy cut to fix me. Hearing this news made me extremely grateful that I emailed when I did. He knew as soon as he saw my symptoms in the email how poorly I was, and that is testiment to the skill of the guy. He really is the best.
He told me that the drain could come out the next day and I could go home at lunch time. I already felt so much better at that time - the deep deep pain that had been there for 5 weeks had now gone. The superficial wound pain would go soon, but that deep pain was gone instantly.
Seeing I was well and back from theatre, Frances headed back to the hotel. I was concerned for her because I did not get a chance to show her where the local restaurants were. I just had to keep my fingers crossed that she would be ok.
There was a lady admitted into the bed opposite me. Her name was Hannelore, and she came over to me later on that afternoon / evening and we chatted. She was concerned for me and was so kind, asking if there was anything I needed. We got talking and when she heard me say I had had a gastric bypass, her jaw dropped and she said she was going for this the next day. She told me how scared she was and how she wanted to just run out of the door and away. She had come close to cancelling the operation altogether. I talked her through what it was like to live with the RNY and I showed her my video. She was really touched, and told me that she felt so much better having spoken to me about the operation. She even called her mother and told her ! She went to theatre the next day with a smile on her face and I am chuffed for her because I think I helped put that smile there by showing her what she could achieve with this surgery.
My drain needed it's 3rd empty at 10pm. This time it was filled with clots and she had to change the whole stoma bag because it could not drain. I could see a change in the output as it started to get brighter red in colour. Again at midnight, it was full and needing changing again. I drifted off to sleep but again at 2am or thereabouts I started to feel very unwell. I was dizzy and sweating. I could feel a pressure in my side which was really sore and I buzzed for the nurse to come quickly. The drainage bag was bulging and it was filled with blood. I had the light on when the nurse came in, and she took one look at the drain and then at me, and then all hell broke loose. The other 3 ladies in the room must have been a bit peeved because they got a rude awakening when the other nurses and a doctor came running in and switched all the lights on. I must have been white as a sheet because they were working on me very quickly. My blood pressure was in my boots, and they put the bed down flat and tilted the end up. The doctor ordered volplex to be infused to bring my blood pressure back up, and then he stuck a needle in my pulse point to get an arterial blood gas. He asked me if I knew my blood group and I was able to tell him that I was O- and show them where to find my blood group card. The nurse took it and returned it a few minutes later. Then I felt really dizzy and must have passed out. When I came to, they were shaking my shoulder and holding my hand asking me if I could hear them. I was so scared, and I told them so. I felt really rough. I started getting chest pains too which was like a crushing sensation on my chest and I knew that my heart's blood supply must have been compromised. Sometimes it is good to know nursing stuff, and times like that, it really isn't ! They told me that I would be moved to intensive care and then for a few minutes they left me alone. I grabbed my mobile and called Al. I knew that it was something like 2.45am but I needed to tell him what was happening and that I loved him. It took a couple of calls to waken him, but it was good to talk to him before they moved me. I had to leave all my belongings on the ward, but I had his T shirt with me because this is something I have with me everytime I go away - the smell of him on his t shirt, to comfort me when I am missing him. I clung on to that T shirt all night. They put up blood through a needle in my right arm and then they put an arterial line in my left wrist - boy that one hurt ! They put a 12 lead ECG on me and IV fluids in through the existing line in my left wrist. I was wired for sound.
I had some fabulous nursing care that night though. The staff from ward 10 were amazing - very attentive, and very reassuring. The ICU staff that night and the next day were very kind and truly cared for me when I felt at my lowest.
Wednesday 4th June, 2008
Bruno came in to see me and was shocked to see me in a bit of a state. He said that the bleed was probably due to the poor state my bloods and clotting had been in. He said that they didn't get my blood test results until I was in theatre the day before, and they had to put up a lot of fluid to correct the imbalances. He checked the drain and said that if the bleeding did not slow down then he would have to operate again to find the cause. I really didn't fancy that because I was already feeling pretty bruised, sore and tender. The bleeding had certainly slowed down because of the transfusion I was getting. 3 Units of Belgian blood and it must have been the good stuff because by 5pm my Hb had gone from 7 to 12 with just 3 units. He sent several of his assistants to check on my bleeding through the morning, and to report back to him while he was in theatre. I honestly could not have asked for better care from him. He was very attentive.
He saw me later that afternoon and agreed to move me back to the ward. I was talking to Alan on and off all day, as well as sleeping a little and talking to Frances who was there from 11am 'ish. The nurse that morning - Valerie, was so lovely. She gave me a wonderful wash to help me stop feeling manky, and she put her arm around me when I sat on the edge of the bed bawling my eyes out - feeling very alone and very far away from home. She was great.
I was delighted to go back to the ward and the other ladies were pleased to see me too. Hanelore was looking great considering she was only just post op. She had even been out of bed to the commode ! I could not have done that when I was so newly post op !
Bruno had told me that I could be discharged the next day as long as things continued to improve the way they were. He allowed me to eat and drink that night.
It was a nightmare day, there is no two ways about it, BUT the positive side was this - he operated a day earlier than planned and had he not done so we would not be going home on the Friday night. The other positive is I was free of that deep down pain a day sooner and that was sweet release inself.
I was allowed a wheely drip stand and allowed out of bed that night too, and was able to walk Frances down to the end of the ward. I pottered about the room getting my stuff sorted and getting my nightie on. They were still giving me IV paracetamol and IV hydration which was very welcome. I settled down to sleep but my back was really sore from the angle I was lying in. I put the bed pretty flat and just being able to lie even a little on my side made the world of difference.
Thursday 5th June, 2008
Slept on and off overnight, disturbed this time by the lady next to me snoring when she was sleeping, and vomitting when she was awake. Not a pleasant combination. The view over Brugge as the sun was rising was just as beautiful as I remembered it though. (Hanna)lore and I were talking about 4am about moving to Brugge and she was saying that a family she knows moved there from Dublin. Within 5 months the kids were fluent - which gave me a lot to think about. I would love to live in Brugge. I am in love with the place - it's so beautiful, and the folk there are very friendly. The initial 6 months would be tough while we settle in and learn the lingo, find our footing, and get work, school and a social life sorted out. I would love to work for Bruno though, and I see a genuine need there where pre and post op counselling is not really being met, for the Uk patients or the Belgian ones. Bruno wanted to talk to me on tuesday about jobs, but then corrected himself and said that he would sort me out medically first and then we would talk later in the week. I was excited by the idea of working in the bariatric field prior to this, and even more so now.
Bruno arrived and told me that the drip and drain could come down, and I allowed to eat and drink. I had already had breakfast - I even ate a yoghurt without any ill effects, and that is the first in months ! He arranged for me to speak to the dietician and sort out a few of the official paperwork, and then I should be good to go by lunch time. He asked me to return to see him the next morning at 10am. He seemed genuinely happy to see me feeling so much better, and honestly I really was feeling top of the world. I was not displeased to see the drain removed. OK it had put out about 200 ml overnight, but it was serous fluid and not blood and this would easily reabsorb internally without this exit point- I hoped so anyway ! It was more discomfort than pain when it came out, and I was surprised at the length of it ! It was long, and it felt like it was coming from right over the other side of my body ! The drips came out, and I was then free to walk about, drip free and drain free, and get washed, dressed and packed !
The dietician came to see me to check all was ok. She was delighted with my weight loss. She was interested to hear that I had been having blood sugar drops, and that I was not the only one post op for more than a year to experience this. She said that they rarely see patients this far post op, so they don't get this feedback, but she took note anyway and said she'd mention it to Bruno. She advised me to go back to puree diet until any post op swelling had gone down. She said she had no experience of this sort of surgery nearly 2 years post op so she didn't really know what to advise with diet, which is why she said to go back to basics until my pouch was ready for solid food again. Bruno had already told me that he was concerned about my weight loss and that for the last month or two I had not been able to eat which was boarderline anorexic. Looking back, I really was. It was easier not to eat and be 'comfortably in pain' than to eat and be in agony. It was a slippery slope for me but I felt that I had turned a corner now, and being able to eat now would mean I could potentially put on some weight again and get back to a size that worked for me physically.
I pottered into the bathroom once all the other 3 had been in there and washed. I took my clothes and wash things and had a good scrub down. I washed my hair too because I felt manky ! The mirror in front of me shocked me though. I could see my ribs below my chin above my breasts were clearly sticking out. When I breathed in and out they were moving under the skin but were totally visible. I thought, OMG that is not a good look. Even my implants were not looking right. I need to put on some weight up there, although how my legs are looking now ( although saggy as hell) is a vast improvement.
I was brought a puree lunch at 11.30. It was foul and Lore and I had a bit of a giggle over it. She said it looked fit for the dog !! She was right. Puree food is seriously nasty ! ho hum ! It was a necessary evil though to a) prove that I could eat to the staff there b) have some form of protein to help build my strength back up. This was thursday and my first meal since monday lunch time. I knew my weight had dropped.
The chief nurse could finally be located and I was given my discharge papers, and then I went down to the foyer and asked them to book a taxi to the hotel. I had rung Al in the morning to tell him what was happening, and I got him to call his Mum and tell her to stay put rather than pay for a taxi when I was coming out any minute. I sat and waited on the taxi, and while I was there Valerie the ICU nurse came past me and stopped to wish me well. It was really lovely of her to do that and it actually made me very emotional. What a week it had been. I really had felt so vulnerable out there not knowing what was going on inside me, but these people had been so kind to me, and fixed my insides so I could live again. I missed Al and the kids so much. His T shirt was as close to him as I could get but it was no substitute. I just wanted to be in his arms again and never leave. My rushed trip to ICU was one of the lowest points of the week because drifting in and out of consciousness, I honestly thought I was a goner. I so needed Al to know that no matter what happened I loved him to the bottom of my heart and wished he had been there right then to hold me and tell me it would be ok. As much as I loved his Mum for being there for me, I needed him and always would.
I finally got back to the hotel at about 1pm. The taxi driver clearly thought I was a mere tourist that did not know that he was driving all round the houses to up his meter price for the ride. Honestly, he was right over the other side of town and in and out of the little streets. I just wanted to get back to the hotel asap! Frances was waiting on me and we ditched my bag and headed out to the town to explore a bit. We had some soup while we were out which was lovely. We walked about the town until we were tired and got things for the kids and Al as little gifts to bring home. I was knackered and so was Frances so we came back to the hotel and had a lie down. I proped my tum and side up with pillows and for the first time all week slept on my side without any discomfort. It was great ! We had a little nap and then headed out for dinner. We went to a restaurant where I had chicken and chips and Frances had a steak with mushroom sauce and chips. So much for my puree diet ! I asked them for a small portion but that fell on deaf ears ! I had a small bit of chicken and a few of the chips but Frances was not impressed with her well done steak when she cut into it and it was not well done at all. Hardly done would be closer to the truth. I offered my chicken as I had already had enough and it was hardly touched. My tum pouch was quite restricted due to swelling and it was almost as if I was a new RNYer. Very little filled me very fast. It was a nice enough meal although the steak spoilt it a bit. The rain started outside so rather than go to the market square and people watch like Ellen and I had, we headed back to the hotel. I would have loved to have seen the Belfore at night again but it was not to be. We went back and watched some daft film on the TV before discovering that we could actually get BBC channels !! I watched Hero's and Graham Norton before finally turning in. Frances was out cold from about 10.30pm ! I listened to the Belfore doing it's thing every 15 mins until about midnight when it stops for the night, and I thought to myself that although this week had gone a little pear shaped at times, I had come to the end of it now and the worst was behind me. It could only get better from here on.
Anyway- the case was packed and we were set to go home the next day and I could not wait to see Alan and the kids again. I wanted Friday to arrive quickly so I went to sleep and let Brugge by night stay out there without me.
Friday 6th June 2008
I was up at 7.15am and showered. We packed the last of the things that needed to go in, wash things etc, and then we went for breakfast. I had dressed to impress that day knowing that Bruno would be talking employment to me and I really want to be employed in this bariatric world. I wore my black jeans - the losest ones I had with me because my tum was swollen still, white top with mock black waistcoat, and my Karen Millen jacket over the top. I had to keep reminding myself at breakfast that I needed to slow down and take it easy. My pouch was delicate and needed to be treated carefully. I managed a small toastedbacon sandwich which was lovely ! We took the taxi to the hospital having deposited our case in the hotel baggage cupboard, and said goodbye to our room. Frances waited in the waiting area while I went and chatted to Bruno. He got someone to come and change my dressings while he talked to me about WLSGroup being his main providers now. I said that I had already sent them my CV back in March but they had not been in touch with me yet. He said he wanted to forward my name to them as a recommendation to get me on board with them. I mentioned that I felt there as a need for bariatric counselling here in Brugge too and that we as a family would be prepared to move over there to faciliate that, if he felt there was a place for me over there. I think he was quite taken aback with this, but I was serious. Al and I had talked about it before I even came to Belgium. He said he would have a think about where he felt I would best fit into the business and get back to me.
Frances and I took the number 13 bus back to town and had a wander around, before going for a big bowl of soup in Ellen and my favourite chicken restaurant ! It was great soup and I really enjoyed it. We got the kids the last few bits and bobs, some baps and ham for the journey later, and then it rained. It was not worth getting soaked for so we headed back to the hotel and had a coffee or two and waited on the 4pm taxi ride to the airport. We got talking to the manageress of the hotel and she was talking about other bariatric patients who are coming from WLSgroup in parties of 4 and 5 at a time, accompanied by someone from the group. I thought this was a fantastic idea, and perhaps even somewhere where the 'living in Brugge' plan might be endorsed even more. It was food for thought.
The taxi came late and the journey seemed to take forever, but I was glad not to be pulling a case or heavy bag about Belgium again. I was too sore for that malarky. We arrived at the airport to find the plane was delayed. I so needed it to be on time but alas it was not happening. We were supposed to take off at 21.30 but we were not taking off until 23.00 and that was a rush job considering they are not allowed to take off after 23.00 due to local noise regulations. I was just pleased we were taking off at all. Get me home !! It's all I wanted !
We arrived in Dublin and Al and the kids were in the car collecting us. It was magic to be back with them again and heading home. It was late and the kids were knackered but I was back with them and that was all that mattered.
So that is my account of the week in Brugge. I have been home 2 weeks tomorrow and am feeling so much better now. I really am. I am back at work and yet taking it as easy as I can. I am still very tired and I am suspecting my Vitamin B12 is low so I will get Al to inject me sometime soon and try and get that level back up. My wounds are healing nicely and all my dressings are off now. I have gained about 3lbs in weight which is a nice step in the right direction, and I am eating without pain. Still smallish portions but I am eating and that is wonderful !
We have been updating my website and making it look all new and fancy. Alan has done it all to be fair. He has done an amazing job. I would never have known where to start such a task but he just tinkers away at it until he learns how it works and then he makes it into something really special. He should take all the credit for it looking so great. Thanks honey, I love you xx
We did a new video to update things too, and launched that on YouTube. I have had over 600 people view that this week alone ! The website is getting a lot of hits too which is very exciting.
So that's us up to date. I bet you need another cup of coffee now. Thanks for reading - come back again soon. I will try and get this blog thing happening a little more frequently - she says, famous last words !!
Eastenders last night was a blinder so I really would not want you to miss it if you are planning on watching a replay....
Ok, so since my last post I have been in serious pain with my tummy. I was discharged on the self diagnosis that as they could not find anything wrong with me, I had IBS. I was on Buscopan for this, and yes, for the first couple of weeks it helped. The deep inside pain never left me though, it went right through to my back and was there all the time. At times it was intolerable, and I would not know where to put myself, and at other times, I was so dosed up on pain killers that although it was sore, I really didn't care too much. Either way, I could not work. I had to wear baggy size 12 trousers, generally with the button undone when I was sitting, ( bagy size 12's - get me eh !? A year or so ago I would have been cursing myself for thinking size 12 was baggy at all - more like a dream size to be, but I am now an 8-10 and 12's really are loose on me to the point where Al has physcially pulled my trousers downwards and they have come off without undoing the buttons, much to the kids hilarity !I digress..... ) because my tummy was so swollen and sore that anything tighter was too painful.
I went back to the GP (- incidentally my wonderful Dr Carlisle passed away at her own hand. She took an overdose and to this day I am still shocked and in a state of disbelief about her passing.) and saw the locum. I told her that the Buscopan was not helping me enough, and she put me on Spasmonal. By this stage I was carrying around a small plastic bag of tablets wherever I went. The contents - Tramodol, Co-codamol 30/500, Spasmonal, Colpermin, Buscopan, Ranitadine and Multivitamins. If you had shaken me I would have sounded like a maracca. I tried the Spasmonal and yet the pain never really left me. I was taking Buscopan and Spasmonal every 4 hours, alternately so I always had something working on the smooth muscle of my bowel. Looking back, it was ridiculous and no way to live going from one tablet to the next and clock watching to see when I could take something else.
I put up with it for 5 weeks, and then when I was due to go back to work my tummy bloated out to the point where I could not even do my trousers up. I had to call in sick which really annoyed me, but what could I do. I spent the night rocking back and forth holding a heat pad to my back and crying in pain, dosed to the eyeballs with medication. I called the doctors the nex day and got an appointment to see him that afternoon. When he saw me he did a thorough investigation and was very good. He said that he did not think that this was IBS because it should have started to calm down by then. It most certainly hadn't and in fact I was getting worse by the day. He said that he was going to refer me to the Royal Hospital to get some specialist advice, and also send me for an ultrasound scan. He asked me if I had spoken to my consultant in Belgium about this pain because he would certainly know more about this pain than he did, if it was RNY related. I said I would contact him but as everyone had reassured me thus far that it was nothing to do with the RNY I hadn't done so already.
That was the thursday afternoon. On Friday morning I sat down at my laptop and wrote a short email to Marc Van De Ryse ( Bruno Dillemans assistant) and asked him to forward my email to Bruno as a matter of urgency. I explained what had been happening and the pain I was in, and what happened next I did not expect at all.
I came back to the computer later on that afternoon and was greeted by a reply to my email now marked URGENT. Yikes !! Marc had sent Bruno my email and he had replied immediately saying that he thought it was a sign of a partial and temporary sub-obstruction of the small bowel due to adhesions of the RNY or twisting of the small bowel around it's axis. He insisted that I needed a diagnostic laparoscopy which he recommended he did because he knew the surgery well and this surgery takes experience. He insisted that I call him and hehad provided several telephone numbers to call him on straight away.
The hairs on my neck were standing on end by now because I really knew now that this was not IBS no matter how much I had convinced myself, and that I needed surgery. Of course I called Bruno as quickly as I could and although he was in theatre he took my call and told me to get over to Brugge asap.
I told Alan as soon as he was home from work, and then we started scratching our heads as to how we could make this happen. Bruno wanted to see me over in Brugge on the following Tuesday for a consultation where he would decide what to do with me. Frances (my mother in law) would come with me and we would fly out on Monday afternoon. Marc was superb and had the Acacia Hotel booked for me straight away, and before I knew it, I was good to go. I went to work that night with a sinking feeling of inpending surgery. At the same time, I knew that Bruno was the best person for the job and was also looking forward to seeing him again.
I was sore at work and the staff could see I was in pain, but I guess when I was dosed up I was more able to hide the pain.
The weekend passed too quickly and before I knew it I was kissing my 3 beautiful kids goodbye and heading off to the airport. It was tough on them seeing me leaving yet again. It affected Rachel the most because it had all happened so fast and she didn't have time to come to terms with me leaving. The teacher was superb with her though, and moved other kids so she could sit next to her best mate Jennifer and be comforted. It breaks my heart that she was so upset, but I really had no choice.
Monday 2nd June, 2008
Al dropped me and his Mum off at the bus station in Belfast and we took the Dublin airport bus from there. It meant that Al didn't have to get the kids out of school early to take us all the way, and it saved on fuel too. Kissing him goodbye was hard going. When I was going away before I knew roughly what was going to happen, but this time I really was stepping into the unknown. I was scared - I guess he was too. I sat at the bus station and had a little cry in the toilets so Frances didn't see me being weak, and then I got on that bus and decided to make the best of this trip so I could come back fit and healthy for my family.
We got to Dublin airport at 1.15pm and made our way to check in. They were already open so it was good to get rid of the case nice and early. We went up to the restaurant and had a bite to eat because we didn't know when we would be eating again ! The plane was delayed 1/2 hour but once we got going it was a smooth enough journey.
We arrived at Charleroi airport and took the bus to Brussels Midi train station, where we found our way (eventually) to the ticket office and purchased tickets to Brugge. Our feet were swelling and sore from the journey - I was deeply regretting not wearing my trainers, because my toes had lost skin on the toes with these shoes rubbing ! They matched my jacket though and that was reason enough to wear them that morning with little thought for the journey ahead !! The train journey was smooth enough too, and then a short taxi ride to the Acacia I was almost transported back in time !! The place has not changed much and it felt very familiar. The whole town during the week there felt strangely homely to me. I had not been there for more than a week and half of that was in hospital first time I was there, but Ellen and I had walked round the town so many times I knew it like the back of my hand, and still did !!! Brugge is such a gorgeous place. I would love to go there and yet not need surgery, one day !!
We got to the hotel about 10.30pm checked in and then went to bed. We were pooped, and my tummy was seriously sore after trauma of the journey - luggage handling and more movement than I had done in weeks.
Tuesday 3rd June, 2008
Hada restless night- partly due to being nervous about what lay ahead, and patly due to Frances snoring !! I was comforted that she was there with me though, and grateful she had dropped everything at a moments notice to come with me. I was up at 7.15am and showered. The showers over there are fierce and totally awesome !! I got dressed - Al had helped me pick my wardrobe for the week advising me what went with what, and what made me look slimmest ! We had chosen a white figure hugging top for tuesday but with the journey the day before my tummy was not one bit flat ! I was more like a wee pot bellied pig, and so I decided to change into my pink top and white jeans, pink flat shoes and black jacket. I looked goooood ! I dosed up on all the meds I had with me, and then we went for breakfast. I bloated up even more afer breakfast. I dared to sip a little champagne but didn't finish it. I just wanted to say I had tried it since I didn't get any first time I was here ! I could not do my jeans up after breakfast but sucked it in before going and getting in the taxi to the hospital. It was not a bad thing though - Bruno would see me when I was like that and have a better idea of what was going on.
I was looking forward to a wander round the shops later on - surmising that Bruno would operate on me on wednesday. Little did I know !
It was funny being there with Frances - just her and me. Funny in a nice way. I felt so close to her and it was very comforting to have her there with me. Getting in the taxi though, my pulse was racing and I was missing Al and the kids so much.
So we got to the hospital and it all came flooding back to me, where to go, what to do. We went up to the 5th floor and I checked to see if Bruno or Marc were there yet. Neither were. We sat down and there beside us was a couple of english girls, one of whom was post op ! She was my Dillebabe from the WLSinfo forum called Pink Princess, Lu - and was there to get seen by Bruno and given the all clear to go and get on the Eurostar. She asked if I was Marika, and we had a great conversation. She was looking well a although had a rough time by the sounds of it, was most definitely on the mend. I then saw Marc arrive and I went over to tell him we had arrived. He was gobsmacked at the change in me, and it confirmed what I had jokingly told him in an email that weekend, that I would come and find him because he would walk straight past me now ! He took us into the consultation room and we chatted over a cup of coffee. I was having a little sugar withdrawal at the time and felt a bit odd but I think it was also my nerves. Bruno arrived and was also very impressed with his handiwork !! He then sat down with us and talked about my symptoms. He was very concerned that this had been mistreated in the UK as he could clearly see what pain I was in. He said he was going to operate on me the following day and then took another look at me ad changed his mind. He didn't want to leave me a moment longer, and wanted to operate straight away. I had just taken a cup of coffee but that didn't bother them because I have no stomach to retain it in anyway. They sent me up to the 6th floor for blood tests, and then I was sent down to the reception to book in, and then up to the 10th floor to my ward. Talk about deja vue !! Marc had offered to help Frances with anything she needed, so I asked him to take her back to the hotel to get my things, and then bring her back again. When she knew where the ward was, she went off with Marc, while I stayed and waited on the nurses finding me a bed. I was expecting to go at 5pm for my surgery, and had told Alan that this was the plan but when the charge nurse came and found me, he told me to get changed straight away because they were taking me down to theatre right away. He asked me why I was back again and I told him that Bruno thought I had a small bowel obstruction. He looked me up and down and said that I didn't look like I did- to which I replied, 'You should have seen me 5 weeks ago!'. I guess when you are in pain for a long while you learn to live with it. I was not even given time to call Alan, I was whisked off to theatre with beautiful make up, and that was that !
I came to in recovery with the usual post op pain, but decided to keep quiet and they would take me back to the ward asap. I so wanted to call Alan and speak to him. I had a horrible - and I realy mean this - HORRIBLE - sump tube ( it's a thick naso gastric tube) down through my nose to my lower bowel. It was painful because it was pushing on my throat and my nose and then making me feel sick too. Ugh. As soon as I was back on the ward I begged them to remove it, and thankfully the doctor agreed. I have never been so pleased to see the back of anything ! I had done a quick body check in recovery too - I didn't know what I was going to find, so it was a little unnerving. I felt a stoma bag on my left side which raised alarm bells, but when I took a look it was a drain not a colostomy, so I sighed a big sigh of relief. I was delighted to see Frances waiting on me, and I think she was too !
Bruno came round shortly after and told me that I had a lot of adhesions from the tummy button and the RNY causing the small bowel to twist like a string of sausages. He said it had taken him 40 mins to untwist the bowel alone, and release the adhesions. He said he also found 2 hernias which he repaired one on my left side and one at my belly button. He repaired some holes in my muscle too where further hernias could have formed. He said that he did not operate a moment too soon. He said that it would only have been a matter of time before I had obstructed totally, and then it would have been a long laparotomy cut to fix me. Hearing this news made me extremely grateful that I emailed when I did. He knew as soon as he saw my symptoms in the email how poorly I was, and that is testiment to the skill of the guy. He really is the best.
He told me that the drain could come out the next day and I could go home at lunch time. I already felt so much better at that time - the deep deep pain that had been there for 5 weeks had now gone. The superficial wound pain would go soon, but that deep pain was gone instantly.
Seeing I was well and back from theatre, Frances headed back to the hotel. I was concerned for her because I did not get a chance to show her where the local restaurants were. I just had to keep my fingers crossed that she would be ok.
There was a lady admitted into the bed opposite me. Her name was Hannelore, and she came over to me later on that afternoon / evening and we chatted. She was concerned for me and was so kind, asking if there was anything I needed. We got talking and when she heard me say I had had a gastric bypass, her jaw dropped and she said she was going for this the next day. She told me how scared she was and how she wanted to just run out of the door and away. She had come close to cancelling the operation altogether. I talked her through what it was like to live with the RNY and I showed her my video. She was really touched, and told me that she felt so much better having spoken to me about the operation. She even called her mother and told her ! She went to theatre the next day with a smile on her face and I am chuffed for her because I think I helped put that smile there by showing her what she could achieve with this surgery.
My drain needed it's 3rd empty at 10pm. This time it was filled with clots and she had to change the whole stoma bag because it could not drain. I could see a change in the output as it started to get brighter red in colour. Again at midnight, it was full and needing changing again. I drifted off to sleep but again at 2am or thereabouts I started to feel very unwell. I was dizzy and sweating. I could feel a pressure in my side which was really sore and I buzzed for the nurse to come quickly. The drainage bag was bulging and it was filled with blood. I had the light on when the nurse came in, and she took one look at the drain and then at me, and then all hell broke loose. The other 3 ladies in the room must have been a bit peeved because they got a rude awakening when the other nurses and a doctor came running in and switched all the lights on. I must have been white as a sheet because they were working on me very quickly. My blood pressure was in my boots, and they put the bed down flat and tilted the end up. The doctor ordered volplex to be infused to bring my blood pressure back up, and then he stuck a needle in my pulse point to get an arterial blood gas. He asked me if I knew my blood group and I was able to tell him that I was O- and show them where to find my blood group card. The nurse took it and returned it a few minutes later. Then I felt really dizzy and must have passed out. When I came to, they were shaking my shoulder and holding my hand asking me if I could hear them. I was so scared, and I told them so. I felt really rough. I started getting chest pains too which was like a crushing sensation on my chest and I knew that my heart's blood supply must have been compromised. Sometimes it is good to know nursing stuff, and times like that, it really isn't ! They told me that I would be moved to intensive care and then for a few minutes they left me alone. I grabbed my mobile and called Al. I knew that it was something like 2.45am but I needed to tell him what was happening and that I loved him. It took a couple of calls to waken him, but it was good to talk to him before they moved me. I had to leave all my belongings on the ward, but I had his T shirt with me because this is something I have with me everytime I go away - the smell of him on his t shirt, to comfort me when I am missing him. I clung on to that T shirt all night. They put up blood through a needle in my right arm and then they put an arterial line in my left wrist - boy that one hurt ! They put a 12 lead ECG on me and IV fluids in through the existing line in my left wrist. I was wired for sound.
I had some fabulous nursing care that night though. The staff from ward 10 were amazing - very attentive, and very reassuring. The ICU staff that night and the next day were very kind and truly cared for me when I felt at my lowest.
Wednesday 4th June, 2008
Bruno came in to see me and was shocked to see me in a bit of a state. He said that the bleed was probably due to the poor state my bloods and clotting had been in. He said that they didn't get my blood test results until I was in theatre the day before, and they had to put up a lot of fluid to correct the imbalances. He checked the drain and said that if the bleeding did not slow down then he would have to operate again to find the cause. I really didn't fancy that because I was already feeling pretty bruised, sore and tender. The bleeding had certainly slowed down because of the transfusion I was getting. 3 Units of Belgian blood and it must have been the good stuff because by 5pm my Hb had gone from 7 to 12 with just 3 units. He sent several of his assistants to check on my bleeding through the morning, and to report back to him while he was in theatre. I honestly could not have asked for better care from him. He was very attentive.
He saw me later that afternoon and agreed to move me back to the ward. I was talking to Alan on and off all day, as well as sleeping a little and talking to Frances who was there from 11am 'ish. The nurse that morning - Valerie, was so lovely. She gave me a wonderful wash to help me stop feeling manky, and she put her arm around me when I sat on the edge of the bed bawling my eyes out - feeling very alone and very far away from home. She was great.
I was delighted to go back to the ward and the other ladies were pleased to see me too. Hanelore was looking great considering she was only just post op. She had even been out of bed to the commode ! I could not have done that when I was so newly post op !
Bruno had told me that I could be discharged the next day as long as things continued to improve the way they were. He allowed me to eat and drink that night.
It was a nightmare day, there is no two ways about it, BUT the positive side was this - he operated a day earlier than planned and had he not done so we would not be going home on the Friday night. The other positive is I was free of that deep down pain a day sooner and that was sweet release inself.
I was allowed a wheely drip stand and allowed out of bed that night too, and was able to walk Frances down to the end of the ward. I pottered about the room getting my stuff sorted and getting my nightie on. They were still giving me IV paracetamol and IV hydration which was very welcome. I settled down to sleep but my back was really sore from the angle I was lying in. I put the bed pretty flat and just being able to lie even a little on my side made the world of difference.
Thursday 5th June, 2008
Slept on and off overnight, disturbed this time by the lady next to me snoring when she was sleeping, and vomitting when she was awake. Not a pleasant combination. The view over Brugge as the sun was rising was just as beautiful as I remembered it though. (Hanna)lore and I were talking about 4am about moving to Brugge and she was saying that a family she knows moved there from Dublin. Within 5 months the kids were fluent - which gave me a lot to think about. I would love to live in Brugge. I am in love with the place - it's so beautiful, and the folk there are very friendly. The initial 6 months would be tough while we settle in and learn the lingo, find our footing, and get work, school and a social life sorted out. I would love to work for Bruno though, and I see a genuine need there where pre and post op counselling is not really being met, for the Uk patients or the Belgian ones. Bruno wanted to talk to me on tuesday about jobs, but then corrected himself and said that he would sort me out medically first and then we would talk later in the week. I was excited by the idea of working in the bariatric field prior to this, and even more so now.
Bruno arrived and told me that the drip and drain could come down, and I allowed to eat and drink. I had already had breakfast - I even ate a yoghurt without any ill effects, and that is the first in months ! He arranged for me to speak to the dietician and sort out a few of the official paperwork, and then I should be good to go by lunch time. He asked me to return to see him the next morning at 10am. He seemed genuinely happy to see me feeling so much better, and honestly I really was feeling top of the world. I was not displeased to see the drain removed. OK it had put out about 200 ml overnight, but it was serous fluid and not blood and this would easily reabsorb internally without this exit point- I hoped so anyway ! It was more discomfort than pain when it came out, and I was surprised at the length of it ! It was long, and it felt like it was coming from right over the other side of my body ! The drips came out, and I was then free to walk about, drip free and drain free, and get washed, dressed and packed !
The dietician came to see me to check all was ok. She was delighted with my weight loss. She was interested to hear that I had been having blood sugar drops, and that I was not the only one post op for more than a year to experience this. She said that they rarely see patients this far post op, so they don't get this feedback, but she took note anyway and said she'd mention it to Bruno. She advised me to go back to puree diet until any post op swelling had gone down. She said she had no experience of this sort of surgery nearly 2 years post op so she didn't really know what to advise with diet, which is why she said to go back to basics until my pouch was ready for solid food again. Bruno had already told me that he was concerned about my weight loss and that for the last month or two I had not been able to eat which was boarderline anorexic. Looking back, I really was. It was easier not to eat and be 'comfortably in pain' than to eat and be in agony. It was a slippery slope for me but I felt that I had turned a corner now, and being able to eat now would mean I could potentially put on some weight again and get back to a size that worked for me physically.
I pottered into the bathroom once all the other 3 had been in there and washed. I took my clothes and wash things and had a good scrub down. I washed my hair too because I felt manky ! The mirror in front of me shocked me though. I could see my ribs below my chin above my breasts were clearly sticking out. When I breathed in and out they were moving under the skin but were totally visible. I thought, OMG that is not a good look. Even my implants were not looking right. I need to put on some weight up there, although how my legs are looking now ( although saggy as hell) is a vast improvement.
I was brought a puree lunch at 11.30. It was foul and Lore and I had a bit of a giggle over it. She said it looked fit for the dog !! She was right. Puree food is seriously nasty ! ho hum ! It was a necessary evil though to a) prove that I could eat to the staff there b) have some form of protein to help build my strength back up. This was thursday and my first meal since monday lunch time. I knew my weight had dropped.
The chief nurse could finally be located and I was given my discharge papers, and then I went down to the foyer and asked them to book a taxi to the hotel. I had rung Al in the morning to tell him what was happening, and I got him to call his Mum and tell her to stay put rather than pay for a taxi when I was coming out any minute. I sat and waited on the taxi, and while I was there Valerie the ICU nurse came past me and stopped to wish me well. It was really lovely of her to do that and it actually made me very emotional. What a week it had been. I really had felt so vulnerable out there not knowing what was going on inside me, but these people had been so kind to me, and fixed my insides so I could live again. I missed Al and the kids so much. His T shirt was as close to him as I could get but it was no substitute. I just wanted to be in his arms again and never leave. My rushed trip to ICU was one of the lowest points of the week because drifting in and out of consciousness, I honestly thought I was a goner. I so needed Al to know that no matter what happened I loved him to the bottom of my heart and wished he had been there right then to hold me and tell me it would be ok. As much as I loved his Mum for being there for me, I needed him and always would.
I finally got back to the hotel at about 1pm. The taxi driver clearly thought I was a mere tourist that did not know that he was driving all round the houses to up his meter price for the ride. Honestly, he was right over the other side of town and in and out of the little streets. I just wanted to get back to the hotel asap! Frances was waiting on me and we ditched my bag and headed out to the town to explore a bit. We had some soup while we were out which was lovely. We walked about the town until we were tired and got things for the kids and Al as little gifts to bring home. I was knackered and so was Frances so we came back to the hotel and had a lie down. I proped my tum and side up with pillows and for the first time all week slept on my side without any discomfort. It was great ! We had a little nap and then headed out for dinner. We went to a restaurant where I had chicken and chips and Frances had a steak with mushroom sauce and chips. So much for my puree diet ! I asked them for a small portion but that fell on deaf ears ! I had a small bit of chicken and a few of the chips but Frances was not impressed with her well done steak when she cut into it and it was not well done at all. Hardly done would be closer to the truth. I offered my chicken as I had already had enough and it was hardly touched. My tum pouch was quite restricted due to swelling and it was almost as if I was a new RNYer. Very little filled me very fast. It was a nice enough meal although the steak spoilt it a bit. The rain started outside so rather than go to the market square and people watch like Ellen and I had, we headed back to the hotel. I would have loved to have seen the Belfore at night again but it was not to be. We went back and watched some daft film on the TV before discovering that we could actually get BBC channels !! I watched Hero's and Graham Norton before finally turning in. Frances was out cold from about 10.30pm ! I listened to the Belfore doing it's thing every 15 mins until about midnight when it stops for the night, and I thought to myself that although this week had gone a little pear shaped at times, I had come to the end of it now and the worst was behind me. It could only get better from here on.
Anyway- the case was packed and we were set to go home the next day and I could not wait to see Alan and the kids again. I wanted Friday to arrive quickly so I went to sleep and let Brugge by night stay out there without me.
Friday 6th June 2008
I was up at 7.15am and showered. We packed the last of the things that needed to go in, wash things etc, and then we went for breakfast. I had dressed to impress that day knowing that Bruno would be talking employment to me and I really want to be employed in this bariatric world. I wore my black jeans - the losest ones I had with me because my tum was swollen still, white top with mock black waistcoat, and my Karen Millen jacket over the top. I had to keep reminding myself at breakfast that I needed to slow down and take it easy. My pouch was delicate and needed to be treated carefully. I managed a small toastedbacon sandwich which was lovely ! We took the taxi to the hospital having deposited our case in the hotel baggage cupboard, and said goodbye to our room. Frances waited in the waiting area while I went and chatted to Bruno. He got someone to come and change my dressings while he talked to me about WLSGroup being his main providers now. I said that I had already sent them my CV back in March but they had not been in touch with me yet. He said he wanted to forward my name to them as a recommendation to get me on board with them. I mentioned that I felt there as a need for bariatric counselling here in Brugge too and that we as a family would be prepared to move over there to faciliate that, if he felt there was a place for me over there. I think he was quite taken aback with this, but I was serious. Al and I had talked about it before I even came to Belgium. He said he would have a think about where he felt I would best fit into the business and get back to me.
Frances and I took the number 13 bus back to town and had a wander around, before going for a big bowl of soup in Ellen and my favourite chicken restaurant ! It was great soup and I really enjoyed it. We got the kids the last few bits and bobs, some baps and ham for the journey later, and then it rained. It was not worth getting soaked for so we headed back to the hotel and had a coffee or two and waited on the 4pm taxi ride to the airport. We got talking to the manageress of the hotel and she was talking about other bariatric patients who are coming from WLSgroup in parties of 4 and 5 at a time, accompanied by someone from the group. I thought this was a fantastic idea, and perhaps even somewhere where the 'living in Brugge' plan might be endorsed even more. It was food for thought.
The taxi came late and the journey seemed to take forever, but I was glad not to be pulling a case or heavy bag about Belgium again. I was too sore for that malarky. We arrived at the airport to find the plane was delayed. I so needed it to be on time but alas it was not happening. We were supposed to take off at 21.30 but we were not taking off until 23.00 and that was a rush job considering they are not allowed to take off after 23.00 due to local noise regulations. I was just pleased we were taking off at all. Get me home !! It's all I wanted !
We arrived in Dublin and Al and the kids were in the car collecting us. It was magic to be back with them again and heading home. It was late and the kids were knackered but I was back with them and that was all that mattered.
So that is my account of the week in Brugge. I have been home 2 weeks tomorrow and am feeling so much better now. I really am. I am back at work and yet taking it as easy as I can. I am still very tired and I am suspecting my Vitamin B12 is low so I will get Al to inject me sometime soon and try and get that level back up. My wounds are healing nicely and all my dressings are off now. I have gained about 3lbs in weight which is a nice step in the right direction, and I am eating without pain. Still smallish portions but I am eating and that is wonderful !
We have been updating my website and making it look all new and fancy. Alan has done it all to be fair. He has done an amazing job. I would never have known where to start such a task but he just tinkers away at it until he learns how it works and then he makes it into something really special. He should take all the credit for it looking so great. Thanks honey, I love you xx
We did a new video to update things too, and launched that on YouTube. I have had over 600 people view that this week alone ! The website is getting a lot of hits too which is very exciting.
So that's us up to date. I bet you need another cup of coffee now. Thanks for reading - come back again soon. I will try and get this blog thing happening a little more frequently - she says, famous last words !!
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