Friday September 15th 2006

I organised an entertainer for Aidan's birthday party today. The party will be at our house on 14th October, his birthday being on the 18th. I couldn't make it the weekend after because I already have enough to think about then !!

So... it's 38 days before I go. That's very soon. I am already thinking about what to pack and what I need to get in before I go. I have paid the money in full for the operation now, although it doesn't officially leave my bank until 20th September, the paperwork is all done to make that payment happen. I felt physically sick walking away from the bank !!

Not sure if I should have or not, but today I started to write letters to my kids to cover the 'just in case' scenario with this operation. Had me weeping buckets to think of their faces if, for some unknown reason, things went horribly wrong. I know that perhaps I should not think that way but I want to cover all bases. Is that wrong?

I have stupid niggling doubts in my head about how Alan will respond to my changing body. I don't want this weight loss to be something that comes between us in the future. I hope that it brings us closer together. I really do. I lost my first husband while I lost weight the first time round though, and I don't want to risk this marriage for anything. He assures me we will be fine, so I have to believe that, and hope that every stone lost will be a cause for celebration between us.

What else has been going on... not much really. I shampoo'd the carpets yesterday and blitzed the downstairs of the house. The upstairs will hopefully get done tomorrow when the kids are about to watch over Michael. It's nigh on impossible to do much when he is following my every move ! Going to bath the kids now... best go