Tuesday 19th September 2006

Tomorrow the money goes out of the bank account and off to Belgium to pay for the operation. It's as good as paid in my mind though because I sorted it out last week.
Alan took some before pics for me the other day and i was horrifed at the state of my behind. I knew it was bg, but when you see it from another persons angle, OMG ! I won't miss it, that is for sure ! While I was out at bingo with his mother the other night, he set to work on a video about 'us' which was set to the music 'The blowers daughter'. It was really romantic !! He can be so lovely like that.
I came across Anne Diamond's weight loss website yesterday and signed up so I could interect with it. It's too much focused on diets and slimming though for my liking. I am sure that is the whole idea, but I am just looking forward to not having to surround my life with calorie counting and recipe ideas. I just want to eat healthily and small ! I posted my story on there and had a reply from a person who sounds like me about a year ago ! She is also trapped in a fat suit, with a wonderfully supportive family telling her they love her no matter what, even though she cannot love herself. I replied to her, and directed her to my web site and to the WLSinfo forum. I hope she finds her own way in the weight loss journey. It is a miserable way to live, hating the relection in the mirror.
Alan is away to work on a late shift and I am tired after 2 nights working. Got a mountain of ironing to do tonight when the kids are away to bed so that will keep me awake til he comes home. I have been messing about with Rachel's MP3 player this afternoon putting tracks on which I love and will enjoy listening to while I am away. I ordered earphones for it, but the jack is too big and I didn't realise. So I have ordered some more. The other ones will do for the Skype connection on the PPC though so all is not lost. I am trying to avoid putting the songs on the MP3 player that will remind me of how much I am missing Alan and the kids. Songs that are nice to listen to, not too boppy, but easy on the ear post operatively !!
That's about it. 4 weeks and 5 days til I go. Yikes !