Monday 30th October 2006

I never actually thought I would see this day arrive !! I was up at 5am because I finally felt the urge to go to the toilet... you know.. for a sit down. While Ellen was sleeping too, I could take as long as I needed to without her thinking I'd fallen in !! I felt so much better for it too !! I went back to bed and slept til about 9am, then we got up, washed, dressed and in to the breakfast room. Having had a little dump on yesterdays breakfast, I didn't fancy a repeat, so I changed to coffee rather than tea, and changed bread to make the toast. I kept a yoghurt for later and chewed and chewed til the food was mush.I ate the toast, but half way through my second cup of coffee, I got tingling down my arms to my fingers, a cold sweat across me, a sensation of light headedness and nausea. Ewww... horrid. It was sudden and deeply unpleasant. Ellen said maybe we should go back to the room but I could not even walk at that point so we just stayed put til that bit was a better. When the nausea got really awful I felt I had to make a move just in case. We went back to the room and I hung over the loo but I knew that being sick would hurt a lot and so I told myself that this would pass. I would be ok... just go and sit down and rest. Again, it lasted about 30 minutes and then I was ok again. What did it today then? The Jam or the artificial sweetner in the coffee ? Probably never know !!
We went out about 11.30am to find the City bus tour. It was a fantastic little trip. The weather was great and I got loads of photos to show the kids. We went to parts of the city we had not walked to because they were on the outer aspects of the city and too far by foot.
We briefly came back to the hotel and then out for lunch. Guess what... only vegetable soup on offer. I really could not have it again !! I opted for a cheese omlette. It was really nice, I chewed it slowly and I managed half of it. It was lovely. I did not have any ill effects from it either, so I might try that again when I get home. Ellen had this huge bagette sandwich with chicken and pineapple and sweetcorn in it. It looked yummy but impossible for me.
Home... awwww... this time tomorrow I will be back with Alan where I belong !! Yay.
We mooched about town doing the last few odds and sods of shopping and then headed back to do our packing !! OMG, half the case is full of chocolate !! I can bearly close it !! Ellen has borrowed my hospital bag to use as hand luggage because she bought so much stuff it won't all fit in !! We had a right laugh trying to get everything to fit ! lol
I took a shower and am wearing the clothes I will be going home in now, so I am all set. My handbag is bursting too but at least it is all in. My nightie will squeeze in to the bag somewhere.
I paid the hotel bill because we are leaving at 6.30 tomorrow morning. I was glad to get that out of the way to be honest. It was the last big bill of this trip that needed to get paid. Now it is, that is that !
I want to try and get an early night tonight so I am awake for the journey home, and there is less chance that I will feel ill on the way too !! The other reason for the early night is the Christmas factor - the sooner you go to sleep on Christmas eve, the sooner somethink wonderful happen. My 'something wonderful' is leaving the house at 8am to get to me in Dublin for 11.30ish. To be back in his arms will be like heaven. I needed him so badly on Wednesday but for practical reasons it was not possible, but we will make up for that tomorrow. I can't wait to see his face. I have his T shirt with me and many a time I have just buried my face in it and smelt him and had a little cry. Soppy ? Yeah, OK I admit it. I just love this guy to the ends of the earth. Him and the kids mean everything to me and I just feel so alone without them with me. No offense to Ellen, she has been so superb here, and I could never have done this trip without her. I just want to see him, see his face, hold him, kiss him, tell him face to face how much I love him. I have had a little cry today because I want to go home to be with him. I wonder if he has been feeling the same way about me.
I am longing to see my 3 beautiful kids. Little Michaels cheeky face, Aidan's squeezy hug and Rachel's closeness again - my angels. I have missed a whole week in their lives and I will never get that back again, but I hope in the next year they will understand just why I had to go away for this short time but that they were well looked after, and loved no matter how far away I am. I hope they understand and forgive me.
So.. tomorrows plan. Get up and washed, dressed etc about 5ish. Squeeze the unsqueezable into the cases and finally clear up the room. The taxi is booked for 6.30am. She had better be here or else !! The airport is about 2 hours away. 8.30am is the earliest check in anyway - hopefully the roads will be clear because this is a public holiday this week. The flights is at 10.35 Belgian time, 09.35 UK time arriving in Dublin at 11.10. Al will be somewhere close by, I will sense him ! Wonder if it will be like old times....
It's dark outside now too !!! I will be well on my way home by the time it gets light again.


later .... We went to a chinese restaurant for dinner. I hoped that they would do soup that I could eat. Ellen ordered this huge chicken dish with rice, and I had a small bowl of chicken and mushroom soup. It came with whole mushrooms and stringy bits of chicken in a thin soup. I was an idiot. I tried the mushrooms - I thought I chewed it enough, but clearly I didn't. I have suffered these stomach cramps - and I mean, serous pain here, for 4 hours now. There was one moment where I thought I would not make the flight home tomorrow. I have been lying here with my poor little stomach churning and in spasm. Awful pain... what the hell have I done to myself here ? I felt sick and thought, oh hell, this is going to hurt, and yes, it did a little. I threw up the tiniest amount of undigested food, and a tiny bit of blood, and that was that. I felt better. So much for my early night. The cramps have gone over now, so I will try and settle and get some sleep. Ugh.. not the end to the trip that I had envisaged. We sat in the market square tonight which was lovely. It's such a beautiful place to see, but I am looking forward to going home now.