Wednesday 25th October 2006

Operation day ! Got a broken nights sleep. Kept dreaming about a huge glass of water, and I was thinking about how many hours pre op I was, if I could actually drink a huge glass of water or not !! Needless to say I didn't! I stayed NBM from midnight, and got up at 6.30am. I went for a swim from 6.45 -7am while Ellen had a shower. She went for her breakfast while I showered and sorted out my hospital bag. I had a sneeky fag out of the window of the room. I was really beginning to to let the nerves build up, I really could not help it. We went out to the front of the hotel to wait on the taxi and I smoked a couple of fags. It was quite cold out there and I was shaking. Not sure if it was the cold or me causing it. Ellen was calm for me. I had a little cry before the others came outside. The taxi arrived about 8.10 and we all piled in. I held Ellens hand all the way there. Trying my hardest to control my now very fast heart rate. Sera was in the back with us, and somehow the conversation came round to being sterilised. Don't ask me how. I said that I had been sterilised too. She said something there and then that shocked me actually. She said that I was a very decisive person, I make my mind up on what I want and I go for it. Even something as major as sterilisation and now a gastric bypass. They are not easily reversed are they.
We took our ticket and waited like customers at a deli counter, to be called to get booked in. I went up and we went through the paper work, and I was told to go to Ward 10. The others were dispatched to ward 11. I was sad that we were not together. We went up in the lift with Mo and Sera and as they could clearly see I was bricking it, they said a little prayer for me and asked for my guardian angel to watch over me. It was such a comfort to hear their words. If you read this Sera, Mo, Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You don't know what that meant to me at that time.
We went and found the charge nurse on Ward 10 and were told to wait in the waiting room. When he finally came, I was clerked in nursing wise, allergies, medications, previous health issues, name band. Then he took me to room 1060. I was to share with an 81 year old Beligan lady who hardly spoke a word of English. She appeared at first glance to have taken over the room as her own. She was in theatre when I got there, but on visiting the bathroom, her things were all over it. Her towels, her flannels, her washbag occluding the mirror, her toothbrush pot, her teeth even. It was covering every surface. She had sole use of the TV remote control too.
I was shown the nurse call bell handset, which was also the phone, and light switch. He told me to go down for an ECG. I did this, which was ok. All normal. Just routine. Then we went down to the front reception again to get a phone card sorted out. It was a complicated process because the receptionist really did not speak very good english. I am still confused as to how it works, but hey ho.
I had my last fag, and then went back up to get changed into my theatre gown.
OMG was it short or what !! It was not decent to remove my trousers and undies until the last minute. I kept them on !! At least it went round me, that was a concern at first !
We sat about, feeling tired and flicking through magazines. Ellen went down to the canteen to get a drink and something to eat, and saw Julie's husband down there drinking a beer !! She was in theatre so I guess he was just making the most of his time there ! A hospital that sells beer, that is a new one !
I called Al on the phone and told him the number to call me on, and I called Mum and Dad and did likewise. I had been told 2pm by Dr Dillemans, and 5pm by the charge nurse, so I was shocked when at 1.20 they came to take me down. Knickers and trousers off, and into bed. I made a super swift call to Al to tell him I loved him. Then I was wheeled off down the corridor, as Ellen disappeared out of sight.
Down in the lift to the 4th floor, through a maze of doors and corridors to a recovery room. I needed to pee, and said to the nurse that I needed to. I had not been told to before I left the ward so it just had not happened up there. I was ushered to the staff loo and back again, theatre gown gaping !!
They asked me to get myself over from my bed onto the operating table which had been wheeled to my bedside. It was not an easy task because these 2 skinny bits were huffing at me and telling me not to sit here or there, just get over onto it. Grrrr. I got onto the table eventually and it was hard as rock. My neck and back were killing me before we had even got anywhere.
I was wheeled into the anaesthetics room by which time I really was beside myslef. 'What am I doing here' I kept thinking... no, yelling at myself. The anaesthetics nurse put a venflon in my left hand and started a drip going, and then padded me up for the cardiac monitor. Dr Dillemans opened the theatre door in front of me and asked me if I was ok. I said that I was shitting myself and to just get on with it ! I could see Mo or Sera's dark skin, on the table infront of me. I was told to lie back down and then came the IV sedation and mask. I just told myself what Al had said to me.... ' a few deep breaths and you will not know anymore'. Off I went.



The first I remember was being lifted on a sheet i think over onto my bed. Then I had the sensation that I could not breathe, which from my days in theatres is all routine stuff, where the level of consciousness and ability to breath independently is based on the patients own gag refex. Once they try and remove their own airway, then it is time to extubate. It is a horrid horrid feeling all the same. The pillow was really badly placed and my neck was so sore I didn't know where to put myself. Then came the pain from my stomach. Holy hell. Nobody told me it would hurt like this. I called out for pain relief, and was soon given a jag in the leg I think. It must have been morphine but intramuscular, it took a while to work. Intravenous would have been nicer. I had an O2 mask on, but I felt so sick and I pulled at the mask so hard the elastic snapped out of the mask. I was really panicing, and I was not doing myself any favours. Soon enough the pain killers were beginning to work on me, and I had to then talk myself down from this state of panic. The recovery staff sure as hell were not going to do it for me. Good job I am a nurse and I know the score. I could see where non medical folk would become seriously stressed out here.
I told myself to breath the oxygen, because that would bring me out of the anaesthetic quicker. I made myself put the mask on and keep it there. Then I tried to move the pillow, but I really could not move anything because I was so sore. I tried to call them to help me, but they were busy doing goodness knows what. I then told myself that the sooner I calmed down, the sooner I would be deemed 'fit to go back to the ward' and as soon as that could happen, the better. Ellen would have had a field day there with them !
I heard a male nurse say my name on the phone, and then off we went back to the ward. Hallelujah. I had no idea that I had been away for 3 1/2 hours.
Seeing Ellens face was the best thing ever. It was over, and I had done it !! Getting back to the ward post op was part of the trip which I could never envisage. As soon as the staff had gone, and I had done a quick body check to find out what was happening under my covers. 4 patches on my tummy and a stoma bag with some runny blood type liquid in it on my left side. That and the middle one were the sorest. I felt like I had an elephant sitting on my chest pressing on my breastbone. The drain on the left limited my ability to turn so I chose to lie still !!
Ellen lifted the phone to call Al. Poor guy must have been beside himself. I spoke to him and told him I was ok. I am sure he didn't have a clue what I was saying but I just needed him to know that I was ok. While I was on the phone, Ellen grabbed my hand and put my wedding ring back on it. She told me that it had been off long enough already ! Thank you my darling friend, you are an angel.
The rest of the evening is a bit of a blur. I just needed to sleep while the pain was controlled. I must have been terrible company for Ellen. I am sure she understood though. It was so good to know that she was close by. She went home quite late I think, and I remember calling Alan again when I was a little more coherant. He said he'd get Rachel to call when she got in from Brownies, but that call never came. I guess they turn the phones off after 9pm Brugge time. Shame really, I wanted to hear her little voice, and to hear about her Brownie badges that she was doing tonight.
I was given IV paracetamol about 6 or 7ish, which was quite effective but by 23.45 I was really getting sore again. I called for a nurse to get me some pain killers and they answered on the handset thing saying they would be down to me shortly, but an hour later they still were not there. I kept pressing the buzzer til they came to me. I didn't know where to put myself by this stage, I was in pain. The auxilary came in and brusquely said, 'it's not time yet'. I told her I was in agony and I needed something. She cleared off and the staff nurse came. She told me to wait another hour for the IV paracetamol. I told her I really couldn't. I was really in a lot of pain and I needed something to relieve it. If she had bothered to look, I was writhing about and my heart rate was probably going like the clappers, but she protested that I should wait, that the doctors did not want me to have anything else, that I needed to wait, and that the other pain killer would slow down the healing process of the bowel. Then she tried to put me off by saying it was 'a jag in the butt' ( wonder what American TV show she learnt that off, because it certainly is not Casualty or Holby speak !!)but she could see she was not winning this one. She gave up and went and got the injection of 'Whatever it was' to jag in my butt. I got relief finally. Phew....
A couple of hours later, with quite a bit of IV fluid in me, I felt like I should pee. I called for a bed pan. Now you need to know that the forces of gravity work against you when you use one of these things, and also all the instinctive messages not to pee the bed are rife when you are in the bed and you are on a bed pan. It's bloody hard work!! I had to wait and push and squeeze every drop I could out. Hideous feeling, but necessary. I really did not want my bladder to go into retention and need a catheter. I was on and off the thing all night. The 81 year old seemed to use my queue to use one too, so the pair of us were perched at the same time lol.
I dozed all night on and off, but was awake to see the most beautiful dawn sun rise ove Brugge. From the 10th floor, it really is something to behold. The sky went pink and turquoise and the skyline illuminated as the sun peeped over. Magical. The start of my first day POST OP !! YAY