Wednesday December 12th 2007

So here I am again, a month later and I have to say first up..... I have the body that I always wanted !! My tummy is flatter than a pancake and my boobs are just yummy ! I can wear clothes that nip in at the waist now and WOW, no bulge to hide ! I bought myself a dress for Christmas - a red one, and it's totally awesome. I could never ever have imagined myself wearing anything so lovely before, but here I am, the owner of this beautiful dress, and I am over the moon with it ! It's backless, with a little belt for detail and a pencil line skirt to it. I have no lumps or bumps to hide anymore, just 2 gorgeous ones that Al can't keep his hands off !!
Am I happy that I had this plastic surgery done... you bet ya ! Patrick Dedoncker is right up there on the same pedestal as Bruno Dillemans, and I am eternally grateful to both of them for their skill and handiwork that has given my life back to me. I feel sexy for the first time EVER, and it's down to these 2 blokes who are so skilled at what they do. Yes, both surgeries hurt, and perhaps I have been a little too blunt about that in my blog, but I would rather tell it how it was for me then cover it in lace and pretty it up. When you have surgery, you have to expect it's going to hurt a bit, but that is ok, the end justifies the means. Just take a deep breath and say that it's just one day... one silly little 24 hours of this much ouch, and tomorrow it will be a bit better, and the day after that will be better still, and before you know it you are on your way home to your own bed and your creature comforts. I am 5 weeks away from it now and my scars are all healed and I am feeling amazing. I am still having to wear my corset but that is to squish in this seroma on my tummy. It's just a little blip but I am getting used to wearing it and will behave myself and wear it all day until it's done it's job. I give myself a breather at night though and whip it off !!
For those who are about to go for plastics though, I really did not want to upset you with my honesty about my surgery. I am the sort of person though who prefers to know the truth about what it's like, and I did a lot of reading pre plastics where people were honest with how it was for them. It helped me and I was mentally prepared as a result. I was far more in control of how I was feeling even when things were going literally tits up in recovery, because I knew what was happening and I was confident I was in good hands. I was not as well prepared after my RNY because I felt some had made it out to be a walk in the park, and this didn't help one bit ! It hurt and I felt pain !
Would I do it all again to have what I have now... in a heart beat. Even knowing what I know now.... yes, in a heartbeat.

Today I was wearing size 14 jeans from New Look. They were being held up by a belt and prayer. So I went to New Look to see if I could get a size 12 pair in the same style. They are really comfy and my fav jeans. So I went in, found a size 12 and went to try them on.... something that was un-heard of pre RNY.... and they were gaping at the back !! I needed a size 10 and had there been a shop assistant within yelling distance I would have called out for her to fetch me a pair just so I could tannoy it about the shop !! I got dressed and put the size 12's back and alas ( stamps foot and goes waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa) there was no size 10 there. I hunted the shop down, but no size 10's anywhere. Bummer ! There were skinny jeans that had a low cut waist line, but I always feel like I am losing my trousers when I try them, and when I have this corset to conceal too, it's not a good look. Size 10... me in a size 10 !!!!! OMG ! I ended up in Menary's getting a delicious pair of Dash designer black jeans in a size 12 which Al says are still too big on me, but I think they are comfy and I like them ! I have the flat tummy but my ass and legs are still there to cater for !! Ok.. not so much my ass, that's shrinking now, but my legs are a mess. No... I am not going for more surgery. It's not happening !

So that's my update. Christmas is coming, and I am sort of ready. Bracing myself for the arrival of the Mother In Law who I know will invade my kitchen and try and take over. I can try and bolster the door and keep her out but I doubt this will work. When she gets a bee in her bonet then it's just easier to go with the flow than fight it. It's not like I will be eating much of the dinner anyway, but I just like to put out a lovely meal for everyone on Christmas day with all the trimmings. I think she just misses cooking for a big family and tries to make out she is doing me a favour by kicking me out of my own kitchen. I don't mind allocating her the stuffing duty with the kids on Christmas eve... that's become tradition, but please leave me to do the rest. It's the only meal of the year that I actually LIKE to cook ! I am cooking for 7 everyday so cooking this meal for 8 is not a big deal !

While I am on the subject of MIL..... Al said to show her my flat tum about 2 weeks ago. So I lifted my jumper and showed her how flat I was, and you know what she said.... lol.....
' goodness, it's even flatter than mine' . My jaw dropped... she was not joking..... this lady is wearing a size 22 but she 'thinks' she has a flat tummy. Good grief. What sort of mirror is she looking in ..... ok. I will shut up now. She and I do get on very well and she is very good to us, but I do wish she would just accept that she cannot be slimmer than me anymore, and that I have worked my butt off to be the way I am now. Sometimes I think she 'gets it' and then she comes out with the 'it's flatter than mine' comment which proves my point that she really hasn't.

Til next time.....

Thursday 8th November 2007

9 days post op now and things are beginning to slowly improve. Pain wise I am still on the strong stuff but I intend to wean myself down to paracetamol in the next few days because I can't look after the kids properly when I am drugged up. Al is going back to work on sunday although Amy will be here to help me out, and he is off again on monday but back again on tuesday so I need to get myself going again and ready to take on the stresses of the kids single handed.

Al changed my dressings on tuesday because I thought I had a swelling on my tummy tuck line. It felt really good to have the dressings off even for a short time, and the swelling turned out to be MY HIP BONE !!! I knew it was hiding under there somewhere ! It just never stuck out before ! lol. All the old dressings came off without any ooze or bleeds on them. All clean and dry. I was amazed at how well I was healing ! I still am ! My nipples are quite tender to touch but I am just relieved that I can feel them because it's a complication that can happen that you don't have sensation from the nipples post op. Mine are nice a pink and healing nicely. The bruising under my left breast is pretty bad - black and blue and yellow. Where the bra presses on it is sore so I wore a dressing pad between the bra and the bruising yesterday to see if that helped. It didn't really so I am not bothering today.

I am trying to get some housework done today. The house is looking pretty bad and the washing is stacking up again. I hate that, so I assembled all the washing upstairs and have asked Al to bring it down but as yet he has not. Grrrr... I know that I cannot do it, and I won't even try to, but that just makes it more frustrating. I can't vaccuum either, but the house badly needs it. There are kids toys all over the place which I have tried to assemble in one place but the 2 little ones here keep picking them up and taking them back all over the house. I feel like King Canute !!

On a brighter note, although I put on a stone in fluid the week I was away ( I weighed 10st 11lbs on the day of the op, and by the saturday I was 11 st 10 :( ) I have been taking Frusemide to shift the fluid and this morning I am 11st 2 which is 8lbs off since saturday. My legs and ankles are still swollen but they are getting back to somewhere near normal. I put on a jumper dress today and a pair of leggings, and my profile is brilliant ! No tummy flap in the way, just smooth and straight ! I even have a cardigan on which is shorter than I am used to, and it looks great ! I don't have to pull it down to cover my bum or to cover my tum because I don't really have either anymore !! Oh happy day ! lol

Sunday November 4th, 2007

I got home from Brussels yesterday morning. What a week.
Monday 29th October Lorraine and I were dropped at the airport at 3pm and we soon checked in and made our way to the restaurant for some soup. I am pleased we had this because it was the last bit of sustainance before my op ! The plane took off on time, 6.20 and arrived 15 mins early. The chap from the Eurovolley centre was waiting on us and the journey took about 45 mins. I was trying my best to remain calm, it would not have helped anyone, least of all me, to have hit the panic button. I was missing Al and the kids already though, and the distance between us felt like a zillion miles. I kept thinking -what on earth am I doing? - why am I here again when I said NO MORE OPERATIONS !! Ugh.... I know why I am here, it's because this tummy of mine is not only unhygienic, it's flappy, it's ugly, it's hanging skin, it's keeping me in size 12 jeans when I could and should be in less, and my boobs are non existant, ugly, saggy, and I feel asexual because of them. So I gave my self a swift kick up the ass, packed my overnight bag for the hospital, and went to bed !

The Eurovolley centre hotel - it's very very very basic. The rooms are heated like sauna's, with underfloor heating that is just relentless ! There is a TV with BBC1 and 2 on it which was handy enough. There's a shower which has the might of a thousand power showers about it ! Be careful in there or you could come out black and blue !! There is a restaurant that serves breakfast as part of the price of the room. Don't expect too much here though. It's self service from a choice of bread ( toaster available) cereal ( if there's any left in the dispensers) Coffee ( not recommended, it's not the nicest stuff) cheese and ham ( ewww - for breakfast ?!) and yoghurts. There is a bar next to the restaurant with reinforced glass overlooking the volleyball courts. There was generally some activity going on down there and balls bouncing on the window - scared the hell out of me !! They do a lunch and dinner menu but you need to be fluent in Flemish to understand what is on offer. Mushrooms on toast, Spag Bol, Lasagne, Soup, Omlettes, these we could just about make out but the rest elluded us ! The hotel is in the sticks and there is nothing around the hotel to walk to, no shops, nothing to see, nothing to look at. In fact, the area looks a bit dodgey to be honest with you so I would not recommend leaving the hotel for a wander anywhere !

Tuesday 30th October. We were taken by the receptionist from the hotel to the hospital for 7am. We checked in and were taken to the ward. A lovely nurse called Annalise saw me and asked the usual questions, and then took me to my bed, room 105 bed 3. I was given a gown and told that Patrick Dedoncker would be there shortly. I unpacked my stuff quickly, really bricking it by this stage. Thank God Lorraine was there to support me. I had warned her that I needed her there for the consultation and as such, she would be party to seeing me in all my glory. Probably mentally scarred for life now ! Patrick arrived shortly after I'd got my gown on, and he introduced himself, and he asked for the blood results, and I handed him his money at the same time. I didn't want to hold on to that a single second longer !! He then asked me to undress and stand butt naked by the curtain while he took before photo's of me. YIKES ! I had only just met the guy and here he was asking me to pimp myself !! lol. How embarassing ! Then I had to stand there while he drew in black marker pen on my tummy. A line down my middle, a circle around the area to be lipo'd on my belly, a line across my abdomen along my section line, a line horizontally with my navel. He pulled and poked at my flap and commented that I had a LOT of skin to remove.... no shit sherlock !!! Then I had to sit down and he pulled up a chair infront of me and it was time for my boobs to get the inking ! He did it very scientifically though, tape measure out and very precise marking. I was amazed he didn't get a set square and protractor out ! I had a line from my neck straight down the middle, and then lines to my nipples, and then he measured the uplift and marked the area underneath to be removed in a sort of inverted V shape. Then a line straight down from the nipple to underneath, and a smile shape under the breast along my natural crease line. Then he marked out where my new nipples would be. He said they were currently at 30cm from my neck, and after they would be at 22cm. So, once he had done his picasso masterpiece on me he said, `we shall start immediately`. Yikes !! I was on the bed and away to theatre leaving a worried looking Lorraine behind me. You can tell that the theatre staff are not used to dealing with conscious patients. They really treat you like a piece of meat, no feelings, no voice, no soothing conversation. They gestured to me to get onto the operating table which was then wheeled into the theatre. No anaesthetic room, this was the site of my flappy bits demise. There was a huge light overhead but not on, and the room was very clean, smelt of disinfectant, and there was a hive of activity as staff busied themselves getting trolleys and instruments prepared. They stuck cardiac stickies on me, the blood pressure cuff on me, I gave my flappy bits one last touch before my arms were stretched out either side and strapped down. There was a lady who brought the laryngoscope and intubation tubes etc and put them on my chest ! Had I not been a nurse I guess I would not have known what this was, but I am a nurse and I got scared seeing the reflection of these things in the light above me. I thought of Al and felt myself welling up because I so wanted him there, but I knew I needed to be calm and composed going under anaesthetic or I would wake up in a right state. I thought of my kids, and then of the change in my body in the last year and then I told myself that this was the last operation, no more. The mask was put to my face, stingy stuff injected in my arm and that was that.
I woke in recovery to the sound of myself vomitting the airway up. The pain was not too bad at this stage as they already had stuff running IV into me for that. I did a body check... ooooh, I have boobs ... further south... where's my tummy ? A little further south still, ouch, 2 tubes sticking out my pubis and what is that... ah... a urinary cathter. Would have been nice to be warned that was going to happen, ah well, at least I won't have to get up to pee tonight ! I tried to focus on my surroundings, who was where, what was what.... there was a clock on the wall saying 1pm. I closed my eyes and tried to rest easy. I wanted to be back to the ward asap so I figured if I behave myself then I would be granted this. 1.30pm though my left breast started getting seriously sore. I mean, off the scale of pain. I was swollen and lopsided and it was hard as a rock. There was a male nurse in the vicinity so I called him and said I was in a lot of pain. He said ` I believe you, but you have already had all your pain medication`. He went off and another one came over and said he was phoning the Dr. The male nurse came back and jagged my leg with a needle of morphine I am guessing. I still have the bruise !! Patrick then arrived and said he had removed 20cm of skin ( width) which was a lot of skin, and that they had put a catheter in for my comfort overnight. I told him that my left breast was seriously sore, and he looked at the drain - nothing in it, and then grabbed the mefix dressing and ripped it off me ! Compared to the pain in the breast at this stage, the sound of my skin being ripped at was peanuts. He poked at my right breast, which was fine, and then my left breast which near had me lift off the bed. He then called everyone over and started talking quickly in their native tongue before turning back to me and saying I had a haematoma ( a collection of blood) behind my left breast, and they were taking me back to theatre to put me back to sleep to drain it. I felt dizzy and sick, my BP had been recording seriously low for the past hour, and boy didn't I know it. They had to put me back onto the operating table so they came and log rolled me onto my side ( PAINNNNNNNNN) while they put a patslide underneath me to get me over to the operating table. It was all a rush from there and I felt myself losing consciousness. I told them that I was not ok.... by the time I was in theatre ( based on my not remembering what happened!) I had passed out. I came to with people slapping my face a little and shaking me, but thereafter I don't remember being knocked out again - must have passed out again.
Back in recovery at about 3.30 I think, and the pain was certainly a lot less, thankfully. Patrick came to see me and told me that they had put in 2 drains on my left breast just to be sure ! He had drained off a 500ml bleed which was significant. My blood count as a result had dropped from 11.5 pre op to 8.2. I now needed a blood transfusion. Again, I rested - did myself the favour of keeping calm and collected and hopefully back to the ward sooner. I slept, I kept being woken though by the alarm on the monitor going off saying I was only beathing 5 or 6 resps a minute. They kept shaking me to get me to breathe more. My Bp was still in my boots too and that was alarming too. Patrick came back to see me to check I was ok, and said that he would go out and tell Lorraine what had happened. She must have been beside herself. 7.15pm finally I was taken back to the ward. Seeing Lorraines face was so good. She came with me to the room on the ward and held my hand. She said how worried she had been about me, and how she'd phoned Al and told him what was going on. She gave me my mobile and I phoned him to let him know I was out and was ok. It was heaven to hear his voice. I would have given anything at that moment for him to have been there in person. So the evening went on with pain relief being given without my having to ask for it - superb- and my drains being checked and BP recording every couple of hours. Low - always low ! Never actually got above 100/50. I slept on and off overnight but there was a patient who was up and down to the loo beside me, and the other one was snoring her head off. I was glad I was only there for one night ! I felt rough though, and it crossed my mind over and over that I didn't think I would be up to leaving the next day at all. I still had another unit of blood to get, and my pain levels were still needing controlled by strong stuff.
Wednesday 31st October They came early and took a blood count. That came back later on as 8.2 still. Humph. I was offered breakfast but a couple of sips of tea and I was sick. I had vomitted water the night before too. Eating was the last thing I wanted to do. I had this tighter than tight band around my tummy which was restricting my breathing let alone my eating !They helped me have a wash, get the pink stuff off me that had been splashed all over me in theatre, and then the blood was started. My right breast then started to swell and feel sore like the left one had before. They said that Patrick was on his way and he wanted me nil by mouth just in case I needed to go back to theatre. Lorraine was there with me and she was as concerned as I was. I called Al and told him what was going on as far as I knew. Poor guy must have grown several more grey hairs that day too. Patrick came and ripped off the dressings and said that my breast was ok. They had evened up too which had been a concern the day before. The left one was looking smaller than the right one, but they sorted themselves out ! He redressed my wounds told me all was ok, but that he wanted to get me a prescription for antibiotics and strong pain relief for back at the hotel. He suggested I might stay another night in the hospital, depending on how I was feeling. I really didn't want to, to be honest, because I wanted to stick to the plan of getting out that day. The blood finished and they removed the drip, got me dressed and out of bed - sweet relief because my back hurt like hell from all that lying about. I had 5 redivac drains in a blue carrier bag to carry about with me. Lorraine walked me up and down the ward to see if I could manage. It was sore and I was dizzy but I was determined. I bled from the pubic drains though so they made me get back on the bed and get them redressed. They didn't stop leaking until yesterday ! Patrick came back and saw me one more time and was happy enough that I could go to the hotel. We shuffled down to the foyer and they called the hotel taxi and about 5 mins later we were on our way. It felt good to be out in the fresh air, out of hospital and on the road to recovery. I was pretty helpless that evening and night though, and Lorraine had to nurse me, help me sit up because I was stuck on my back and could not move, even help me to the toilet. I had to redo my dressings on the pubic drains because they were soaked. I slept on and off that night, stiff and sore through most of it, but pleased to see daylight arriving. Lorraine helped me have a wash and wash my hair in the sink. I was so dizzy I felt faint. She sat me down and put a wet flannel on my face.... it was enough to get me back before I passed out thankfully. She helped me dress and we shuffled along to get some breakfast. I figured that I should get something to eat in case my dizziness was blood glucose related. I managed a yoghurt, slowly, and 3 cups of coffee. I was wiped out though and we returned to the room and I went back to bed and slept. I think Lorraine slept too, but by lunch time a miracle had happened. When I woke up I suddenly felt a new lease of energy. I really felt a vast improvement - no idea why - but walking was easier, the dizziness was less, and I felt up to having some lunch. We went down for lunch and got lasange. It was nice enough and I managed half of it which is about right for me. We had a cup of tea, and then headed back to the room. I am sure it was boring as hell for Lorraine to be stuck in there, but I could not go anywhere, I just wasn't up to it. I rested some more and watched TV, and then we went to get dinner later on. I fancied some soup. We were told that there was no dinner though because it was a holiday. Oh great. I can't go out anywhere, and they are not serving food, what am I supposed to do. I can easily go without eating but Lorraine has a normal stomach and she needs to eat. Thankfully we had eaten well at lunch time, and we had cereal bars and the like in the room.
Friday 1st November I had an ok night, awake at 3 and watched a film on my PPC while Lorraine slept on. I got up at 6ish and took my pain killers and then went and had a wash, did my own hair, and boy was I feeling a whole heap better. We had breakfast and then got sorted ready to go and see Patrick at the hospital and get the drains taken out. The left breast drain had passed 310ml since Wednesday which was quite a bit. The others were fairly minimal. He was in 2 minds whether to remove it or not, but decided the risk of infection leaving it in was higher than the risk of seroma taking it out. He removed the pubic ones - OMG - I needed to remind him that that area is delicate !! Pulling sticky dressings off too fast, yanking on stitches in that area, and then taking the tubes out which stemmed right to the end of my tummy tuck scar line each side. YIKES. He was happy with my belly button, and my nipples, redressed everything and said he was happy with my profile. I was just pleased to be free of the drains and ready for my journey home on saturday. We thanked Patrick, and then went to the hospital canteen for lunch. I had some chips and Lorraine had some soup and then the rest of my chips. I couldn't manage much. We then had a wander round Vilvoorde - there is nothing to see, trust me. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could walk a distance, so that the airport was not going to be too much for me. I was still leaking underneath so I had a pad under there to catch the leakage. I managed ok though, but got quite tired after an hour so we got the taxi back to the hotel.
Saturday 3rd November I was up at 5.30, washed my hair and body ( not allowed to shower darn it, but then again that shower would have blown me apart !) and I got dressed. I was so happy to be coming home at last. We packed our final bits and bobs and left the room about 6.50am and headed to get a cup of tea before leaving. My legs were swollen like tree trunks but my tummy was flat as a pancake. I had taken a look at myself in the mirror without my girdle thing on and it was incredible. What a difference. My belly bulge was away and my flappy bit was gone. My boobs were looking great, high up and rounded. I was worried what Al would think - hoped he would like what he saw.
We got to the airport at 8 and checked in. The plane was 10 mins late but they still landed in Dublin 5 minutes early. We made our way through the long walk from the gate to the baggage reclaim. I was expecting to call Al and tell him that we were waiting for him at the departures set down where we'd arranged to meet. I had to stop off in the toilets on the way though because my girdle was so tight that it was cutting in and hurting me. I was sore along my tummy tuck line - just smarting a little really - but I was doing ok and just looking forward to seeing my darling man. I called him as we made our way to the lift and as I spoke to him he came up behind me and threw his arms around me. It was so good to see him. Darren was there for Lorraine too, and seemed to have a happy reunion, but I was just allowing a few tears of relief and happiness flow at the touch of my husband holding me again.

So there we are. I am home and I am 'done'. My boobs are in a 36DD sports bra and Al is very pleased with them. My tummy is trussed up with this girdle so not very comfy, but I am feeling better all the time. I need to call the GP tomorrow and get some iron tablets and to let her know what happened oer there. Apart from that, things are good.

Sunday October 7th 2007

So here I am just 3 weeks away from my trip to Brussels to meet the famous Patrick Dedoncker ! I have to tell you, I am bricking it ! I have started to pack my case, and I have got the Euro sorted to hand to the man himself on the Tuesday morning. I might have to sew that into my knickers until I hand it to him !! It's a lot of cash to be carrying about but that was the only way he does it. I guess he has got stung before by rubber cheques and promises of payment which never came. This way he knows he has been paid and if he gets paid up front with a smile from me, hopefully he will do an even better job than ever ! lol. I trust the guy. I know he has a superb reputation, especially on the WLS forum and is well used to operating on us more vascular girls who have lost a lot of weight.

Today I am 11 stone 2. I have lost 3lbs this week so far. I want to be 11 stone ( at least) before I go to Brussels and it should be achievable. Even if I don't lose the 2lbs I don't care to be honest. It's only 2lbs !! My ideal weight should be 10 stone 10 so in reality I am only 6lbs off target - less than half a stone - so now is a really good time to have these plastics done. I am so glad I don't have to wait another 6 months or year before getting my body fixed. I know lots of people have to wait because of NHS funding criteria, and they say that they are 'glad to wait' but I think this has to be a front to cover their frustrations. I have been frustrated with my body for the last 3-4 months with saggy skin really looking so horrid. You have this weight loss surgery thinking that you are going to finally get the body beautiful but the reality is you go from a fat person to a seriously saggy person and there's very little you can do about it but have it cut off, or live with it ! I know I swore when I had my RNY that whatever happened to my skin there was no way I would ever have surgery again.... but here I am .... the reality staring me in the face, I am going back for more surgery ! I was even looking at my legs when I was in the swimming pool the other day and thinking.. OMG look at those thighs. I had wings of flesh hanging off my legs and they were flapping about in the water. Soooooo ugly. I can't get more than the Tummy tuck and the boobs done in Brussels though... I think that will be enough, but who knows, maybe if my legs bother me that much post these plastics, I might have a chat to my GP and see if they would be done on the NHS. I don't know. It's not on my hit list right here right now. I will just see what happens. I might have a chat to Patrick Dedoncker and see what he thinks I might need on my legs, if anything. Ugh... no more surgery... enough is enough !!

I had my bloods taken this week but they didn't check everything they were supposed to, so I have to go back and open the vein again ! My levels were all fine apart from the haemoglobin which was 11.3 which is not that bad really. I have been feeling a little dizzy and faint of late though and my vit B12 might be low. I have been a little shakey at times too, which is more than likely to be a blood sugar related thing. I have to cut out sugars from my diet for the RNY, and even the taste of something really sweet turns me now, but I have to accept that I need a little sugar in my diet to stop my blood sugars from dropping like this. A few biscuits and a cup of Coffee with a half tea spoon of sugar in it and I am ok again. I attempted to have a bit of chocolate swiss roll with fresh cream in last night... one small spoonful of it and I was heaving... how mad is that. It looked so delicious too... probably was, but I could not even look at it sideways after tasting that small morsel !
If you are of a delicate nature, don't read this next paragraph. It's about poo.... ! I told my GP about the awful state of my bowels too, and that I had been taking 2-3 Senna every day without any success, Movicol - been there and tried that without success, and Bisacodyl does nothing for me either, so she prescribed me Laxoberol. I was sceptical, but the night before last I took a small swig of it before going to bed. Well.... yesterday morning I got the tummy gripes and cramps and was able to pass a constipated lump after a lot of pain, but then came the squits (or splotters as Rachel calls it !! Very apt name that !) . Just when I thought it was safe to stand up.. uh oh... and off I went again. I was scared to eat anything because I was going to the forum meeting in the afternoon and didn't want to disgrace myself, but last night after the tiniest bit of pizza... uh oh .. away I went again ! lol I can safely say though I am far from constipated !! I prefer it this way to be honest. I prefer feeling comfortable down there than bunged to the hilt and unable to go, even if I have to go through a white knuckle rollercoaster type ride to poo !

It's safe to look back now....

Tomorrow morning I will go and get the other bloods taken at the doctors and see what happens there. I am feeling pretty well to be honest. Everyone is telling me I look amazing, which does wonders for my ego ! Alan bought me a pair of grey boots and a long jumper dress thing with a belt and horizontal stripes this week and he thinks I look beautiful in it ! I asked him last night which bit of me was his favourite bit right now (lol) and he said he was torn between my backside and my waist, but if he had to pick then my waist. It really has shrunk especially in the last month, and he says he just loves my skinny tummy !! I love that man so much, he's been so supportive during this weight loss journey and notices lots of things about my changing shape that I don't !

I did my weight loss video and put it on You Tube this week too. I was inspired by Connies video ( see my website) which I saw last year when I was pre op. I could not believe the change in her and I had tears rolling down my cheeks watching it and thinking 'that could be me'. I swore that I would do my own video and now I have ! It's on my website too if you want to take a look. I was quite emotional doing it and getting it right. I wanted to show my story in pictures and music, and inspire others as much as I had been by Connie. The feedback I have had so far has been very positive and I am thrilled with it.

Wednesday 26th September, 2007

Golly yesterday morning was a busy morning. I took the kids to school, and Amy to college and then took the boys to Larne town so I could get Michael's photo taken in Boots. They were not ready in Boots though and kept telling me to come back in a half hour or so.... so we did Iceland to get coffee and milk etc, and then we went for a wander around Woodsides, and up the top of the town and back down again, and round and around. We walked miles ! Pushing that buggy is hard work with the 2 tots in it, let alone loading up the shopping basket underneath it to lower it's centre of gravity yet further !
So we went back to Boots twice and finally we got the photo's happening at 11.15. Michael was done first and then I asked if Curtis could be done too although I didn't have the voucher with me. I was able to go up home after the photo's were done, to collect the voucher and bring it back to them, so I had to get them out of the pram and into the car seats, up to the house, in to get the voucher, back out and down the town again and out of the car, back in the buggy, into Boots, out of Boots and back into the car seats..... fold the buggy up ( heavy it is too....) and back up home by which time it was 12.45 and not worth putting them up to bed for 45 mins only to have to waken them to go and get Aidan. So I kept them up, fed them lunch, back into their car seats and down to get Aidan. Then to get Amy and up to the house, and then back down to get Rachel before racing home to be here in time for the social worker.
Suffice to say, I weighed 11stone 4 this morning ! I have taken the boys for a walk around Carnfunnock park this morning because even though it was cold, it's good for them to get out, and it's clearly very good for me to get out walking, and pushing the pram. I feel like I am getting closer to my target each and every day so pushing myself is a good thing.

32 days until I go for my plastics. Doesn't seem like very long does it? I have started throwing things into my case already, started making lists of things I need to remember to take with me. I booked my annual leave for the week I am away, and I spoke to Dr Carlisle about my sick line the other day too. I need to get my bloods taken next week sometime and get a prescription for PR voltarol and fizzy paracetamol to take with me. I need dressings for post op too. Oh yikes.. it suddenly feels to close and so real. It's not that I don't want it, I will be overjoyed when it's done, but it's the thought of what they are going to do to me.... and the pain.... oh help ! Deep breath.... I can do this. Imagine what I will look like at Christmas !!

Saturday, 15th September 2007

Goodness me, I have left this a long time again but I have had good reason. My life has not been my own for the last month and a half and this is the first I have had anything even remotely close to a chance to sit and type. I felt I really needed to sit and write my blog today though, because I am feeling low and I am exhausted, but it's not purely from lack of sleep, it's from everything that is happening in my life and the way I am feeling about myself. I won't go into all that stuff because it is not relevant to my weight loss journey persay, and this is a weight loss journey blog. Suffice to say things are highly stressful here. My Step daughter is back living with us and so is her 2 year old son. She goes to college each day and I have my son Michael and her son Curtis to chase aboout after each day. Don't get me wrong, it's great for my weight loss, and I enjoy watching them interacting with each other too. It's just darned hard work !

So... I am 6 weeks 1 day away from going for my plastics. I am scared about leaving Al and the kids behind and going away for the week again. With everything up in the air here it's not going to be easy to leave at all. I will miss them all sooooo much. BUT, my tummy and my boobs need to be done. I can't stand the way I am right now. My tummy is a wrinkly mess or loose skin in folds, and my boobs, well, I could actually cry about them. They are saggy, wrinkly and downright ugly. I know that they are a real turn off for Al now. Things have not been great on the physical front between us for a month or more. He doesn't look at me with that 'look' anymore that reassures me that I am looking fab. He is a boob man, and I am no longer a booby woman. He said this morning that they are not the most attractive things.... verbatum, that's what he said. It was hard to hear, because this is my sexuality that he is affronting. I wish he'd lied or told me that because they are a part of me, he loves them just as much as he did when they were huge, rather than coming out with the cold hard fact that they are not attractive anymore. When I get talking to Patrick Dedoncker, my plastic surgeon, I will ask him to make me huge again. I don't want to be Jordan but I do want a full chest again. Whatever size that ends up, it has to be at least a DD or E. I pray that coming home with a flat tummy and a full chest again will make Alan want me more than he has ever done. I have never wained in my love or passion for him, but then he has not gained 6 stone and lost 9 stone during our relationship.
It was our 7th wedding anniversary last tuesday. I wanted to get all glammed up and go out for dinner, but Al was not up for that. He wanted to drive up the coast and get Fish and Chips and sit in the car and eat them. So I didn't get glammed up, we went and had fish and chips, and went out for about an hour or so. Gee whiz. We gave each other cards although we agreed not to, because he got me one, I had to get him one. He said that it would be a waste to go out for dinner when I can't eat much. I managed a small fish ( I removed the batter and ate the fish only) and a few chips, which was not bad for me at all.
On a lighter note, pushing a tandem buggy about Larne with two 2 year olds in it works wonders for weight loss. I am currently 11 stone 6 and have lost 9 stone 1lb in total. Even if I only get another 6lbs off before I go to Brussels then I will be happy.
Right.... I'd better go and get these kids out of the house for an hour or so, tire them out so the little ones go for a sleep after lunch time. I still have an ironing pile the size of Larne to work through, so I need them to sleep so I can get that done. Oh, and I have work tonight too... oh joy.

Saturday, 28th July 2007

What a week !! It started on monday morning when I was just home from night shift. I needed to make a few phone calls to make sure everything was ok for my parents to go to Brugge for their operations next week, because they were just back from their holiday and had been taking anti-inflammatories while away. Got that sorted out, and then decided to call the plastic surgeon in East Grinsted, to get the price of my boobs. She told me that the price was going to be 6875 plus accommodation because they wanted me to stay over there for over a week. I told her that I could not be away from my kids for that length of time. She said that he would not do the operation on me unless I stayed. I was not keen on being pressured this way, especially when that was the price they were asking for it ! My thoughts therefore turned to having the whole thing done in Belgium with Dr Patrick Dedoncker. I have heard great reports of his handiwork, and so I sent him an email. His price was hand over fist cheaper than Nduka, even with accommodation and flights added. I decided there and then that I was going to pass up on the NHS Tummy tuck in favour of having one operation to do everything in Belgium for a cheaper cost. OK, some may shout at me for that. I know that I was very very lucky to be having my plastics on the NHS at all, but it would have been foolish to have spent more money on the Boobs in London when I can get the whole lot done cheaper abroad. I hope that the funding can be used for someone else now.
So, we exchanged emails all week, and Patrick Dedoncker has me booked in for October 30th at 7am. I booked the flights for me and Lorraine, the hotel Eurovolley Centre, which by all accounts is a pretty basic place to stay, but servicable for our needs, and they will collect us from the airport, arrange a taxi to the hospital, and bring us back to the airport to come home. The budget is quite tight, but I will be ok. I know that I will have 4 weeks off work to recover fully post op, and have money in the account to cover that time off. I am not going to rush back and potentially damage my new body. I want to be totally ready.
How am I feeling about it? There are two feelings going on here. I am apprehensive about leaving Al and the kids again, although it's only a few days, I am still going to be away from them when I am having surgery again and that's hard on us both. The other emotion is sheer elation that in 93 days time my body will no longer have a big tummy flap, and my boobs will no longer resemble a couple of worn out walnut shells. I will have the flat tummy and pert boobs that I have always dreamt of, and I just can't believe that it's going to happen to me !!!! 3 months will fly past I am sure, so I am going to do my darndest to get this last stone shifted asap. If I lose more than that then that is even better ! I have been exercising this week, doing sit ups, cycling on the turbo trainer and using my cross trainer. Everything has to help doesn't it? I am feeling really restricted eating wise. I tried to have some noodles the other night but they got stuck and I could not manage more than a couple of forkfulls. Not a bad thing really though....
Other things going on.... my laptop keyboard was causing me come concern because some of the keys were not working properly so that has gone away to be fixed. I am struggling with my old laptop which has the u key missing off it !! I have hijacked Al's computer which I am sure is annoying him, but I need it for email ! I can't wait for my puter to be back. I miss it !!!!!!! They took it on Wednesday morning, and they told me 7 - 10 days, so that's anytime between tuesday and friday coming. Hurry up !!!!!!!!!
Mum and Dad are going on monday to Brugge. I can fully appreciate how they are feeling, although they will have each other for company, so that has to be better than me when I was there alone. Marc has arranged a room for them both to share in the hospital. I trust Bruno emphatically, and know that he will do what is right for them both. I am excited for them to be getting this done, but at the same time, I can't see their trip away soon enough. I just want them home and post op asap ! I found out that Louise will be over there at the same time, supporting her sister in law and her friend who are also having RNY's, so I called her, and asked her to check in on my parents for me, and to let me know if they are ok. She's such an answer to prayer. What are the odds that she would be over there at the same time? Zillions to one ! Louise, if you are reading this, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. You being there at the same time is truly miraculous.

Thursday 19th July, 2007

We have just got home after a week at Center parcs ( yes, it's spelt that way !) and we had a good time. What a difference a year has made in my life ! We were at Center Parcs last year and although we went swimming each day, we didn't really do anything else that was remotely sporty because I was limited by my weight. This year though.... we walked miles every day, swam, played tennis, and I went horse riding !! Me... on a horse !!! YES !!!
My horse was called Nigel, and it did not keel over and die when I sat on it, nor did it's knees buckle beneath him ! We had a slow ride which was lovely, and I really enjoyed myself. I am so proud that I achieved this little goal - I never could have imagined it this time last year !

So, now we are back I am getting my head around the fact that I have surgery looming in 3 1/2 months time. I desparately want to get at least another stone off AT LEAST, but it's slow going. I measured myself this morning to see if my lack of lb loss was compensated with inch loss instead, but apart from losing another inch on my boobs ( I really cannot spare anymore there !!) things have not changed. I am a little disgruntled about it really, because with that much exercise I really thought I would have shed some weight. I set up the 5th bedroom yesterday as a gym. I have a sit up thing, the turbo trainer on my bike, and my cross trainer. I then set about having a workout that had me sweating like a pig and my legs are still jelly today. I have not lost any weight at all ! aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Mum and Dad are back from their cruise on saturday, and then have a week or so until they leave for their surgery in Brugge. I am apprehensive for them of course, but also very excited about the health benefits it will afford them both in the future. I know they will be in safe hands with Dr Dillemans and that he will do a good job on them, but knowing they are both away in a foreign country having surgery at the same time worries me. I kind of wish I could be there but it's impossible. I have to be here to work and for the kids. They will be ok. I will just not settle until they are done and home !!

I am wearing size 16 jeans which are loose on me. I love the feeling of my bones that are no longer buried in fat. It's wonderful ! My neck has turned scraggy again, but I keep appying the moisturiser and see what happens. When I lie down, my ribs stick out but my boobs are seriously sad. Al was poking them last night and saying how wierd ( in a good way) it will be to see my boobs pointing upwards, and to have a flat tummy. Part of me can't wait, but the other part of me is dreading being away from Al and the kids again, and having a painful operation. I keep telling myself that it is only one day when the operation happens... and then that is it over and done with. I seriously hope it is !

Friday 29th June, 2007

I had a very very long conversation with Tracy last night, a fellow member of the WLS info forum, who had her plastic surgery on TV onthe Extreme make over programme. Her surgery was done at the McIndoe Centre and I was really grateful for her insight into plastic surgery. I hope she did not feel like I had picked her brains out !! It was a great conversation and seems we have loads in common too. She's a star and I really hope to meet her when I go to have my surgery, if she comes to visit. I really hope you do Tracy - if you are reading this :)
So, I have to add a sports bra, and magic knickers to my shopping list for October time. I will need these for a little while post op to keep me in shape. I cannot fathom what it must feel like to feel down and not feel a flap of skin there. Tracy said that she felt her tummy and boobs and wondered who they belonged to ! I can imagine it's going to be wierd ! Boobs facing straight ahead ! WOW !
I am so annoyed at myself for not making a note of what I wanted to blog today. It was on my mind yesterday, and now it's gone. WHAT was it ?! It was how I was feeling about something...
Ugh... I will let you know if and when I remember !

I tried on some clothes that have been sitting in my wardrobe that were too small for me a fortnight, and this morning they fit me !! I had a pair of hipsters which obviously I didn't realise were hipsters at the time of purchase, which were laughing at me saying ' fit round you.. I don't think so ' every time I opened my wardrobe. Now they go round me... well, around my flap !... but they are Hideous - with a capital H. My midrif just sticks out over the top and because it's just floppy skin there is nothing I can do about it ! What a lovely image I have given you dear readers ! Give me 4 months guys and I will be able to pull jeans of any shape on without having to fold my flap into them ! I am so looking forward to being able to put a bra on without having to manipulate myself into it. My boobs are just plain depressing. No two ways about it.

The kids finished school this morning, and are now off until September. In a way I am looking forward to having them about and enjoying the summer together, but in another way, and any parent will understand where I am coming from here, I will miss my peace and quiet ! It's nice to get them off to school and be able to come home with Michael and have a quiet morning, or go shopping with him, just him and me, and not have 2 other kids wanting and needing and asking for stuff all the time. It's going to feel wierd this time next year though, when Michael is about to start nursery in September ! He's just a baby ! How can he be starting school in a year? Rachel was all pleased with herself today because she got Pupil of the month awarded to her today. It's a great boot to her self esteem for the summer holidays. She was really pleased with herself, and quite rightly so. She's come on well this year. Now I have just a week to pack for Centre Parcs and I can tell you, I can't wait ! It might rain all week, but I don't care. We will be away and spending lots of time together, relaxing and enjoying being a family. Hope Frances behaves herself ! There are advantages and disadvantages to taking your mother in law on holiday with you... advantage is you have a built in babysitter, disadvantages are, you have to watch your p's and q's ! Anyway.... we are all looking forward to it and we are going to have a good time.

Going back to this looming operation of mine.... I am beginning to let it dawn on me that I am going away again. It's so crap for Alan to be away from me and visa versa. It would be so lovely if he could even fly over for the day to see me. Wonder what the air fare is. Frances could cope with the kids for one day. I just know I will be missing him so much, and I want him to be a part of my transformation, so seeing me in the McIndoe would be really good. Perhaps not though.. perhaps being there when I get back on the monday will be better because I will have had some time to recover a little. Ugh... I dunno. We need to talk about it a bit, see what is right to do.

OK.. I still cannot remember what I wanted to blog about, and I have run out of stuff for now. If I remember, I will put in another entry for today !

Thursday 26th June, 2007

What an exciting week it's been !
I had a phone call from the plastic surgeon's secretary last week and she was all but pencilling me in for my tummy tuck on October 4th. When I mentioned my boobs being done at the same time though she had to rub that out as I needed a longer theatre slot for boobs as well. She asked what I was having done to my boobs and as we had not talked about them at my consultation in March, I didn't know. So she asked me to see him at the weekend for a consultation and get things sorted. I saw him on Sunday just gone for a consultation and I was right to leave my dignity at home that day ! I was given a little cape thing, and told to remove my top. He measured me from the neck to the nipple on both sides and then told me that they should be at 21cm but mine were at 30cm ! 9cm droopy ! Then he went on to mold my right breast like a lump of play dough into a perky uplifted number ! Al and I had talked extensively about breast surgery, and we'd decided that due to the weight loss from the top part of my breast, I'd need an implant. I felt I would probably need both an uplift and an implant, and since the implant needed a cut under the breast anyway, having an uplift at the same time would be no big deal. All I want at the end of the day is a chest that I can look down at and be happy with. It was important to me that Al was there for the consultation because this is all part of my sexuality and he is the one that that matters the most to me. If he doesn't like my plastic surgery or is not happy with what I am left with post op then it would be bad ! He was happy as I was with the decision that I should have an uplift and implants, although the implants cannot be chosen until I get there in October because I am still losing weight and likely to be a dress size or so less by then. ( Here's hoping !).
We talked about types of implant, and he is using a silicone round implant for me, with a lifetime guarantee which means I won't have to go back to theatre to get it replaced in the future which was a concern for me. He poked my tum about a bit too, and confirmed that I would have a water melon type tummy tuck with a bit of lipo at the sides to help prevent any dog ear bits at the side. I was really enthused coming away from the appointment.
I phoned the secretary back on monday and she gave me a tentative date of 25th October ( how ironic that this was the date since it would be my 1 year opiversary!). Then she phoned me again on tuesday and confirmed November 1st for the surgery. It is no longer pencilled in either. It's inked in ! The PCT have approved funding and we are good to go. YIKES !
It was a close thing apparently because back in March I did not meet the criteria ( and in theroy I still don't !) but since I saw him again at the weekend, they can take my consultation date as that date and operate within the next 6 months. That is how we got November 1st. I wondered if I had not been paying for boobs at the same time privately if he would have been as keen to keep me on the list. I would hope so, but either way, it's ok !! I am on the list and I am going to be 'done' on November 1st. Al has booked annual leave and now all I need to do is find a travelling companion. Ellen is away, and Kathryn can't come cos it's her daughters birthday. I have asked Lorraine so we will see if the new date suits her and she can make it. Mum and Dad will be coming up to see me probably too.
I know it's going to be hard on Alan and the kids, my being away again, but this is the last time. I don't intend to have any more surgery !! Being away from them near killed me before, but this is a shorter time away thank god, so I will survive and so will they. Al seems quite excited about the surgery for me. Don't know if this is the thought of my new jubblies or being pleased for me to be having the body I have always wanted. Probably a mix of the two !!

Tuesday 19th June 2007

Well, lots has happened since I was last here blogging. My parents are booked for surgery in Brugge on August 3rd, which is exciting and scary all in one. Turns out that Leeds is harder to get to and from than Brugge is ! The cost difference is something else to ! Nearly £10k of a difference between surgery costs alone. Anyway, it's all good. I am happy that they are going to Dr Dillemans and that he will look after them. He is a top bloke and I trust him 100% with them. Of course the risks are high with age and present co morbidities already riding against them, but they are in the best hands and the following weight loss will only serve to make their health a whole heap better. I am hoping Mum's mobility improves and that her back pain goes away. I am hoping that without a tum my Dad's breathing gets a whole heap better too. Funny thing though, I can't imagine either of them being slim !! I guess they have been this way for as long as I can remember so seeing them any other way will be wierd (in a good way !!)
What else... oooh, yes, I had a fab day last Thrusday. Alan and I went to collect our new car. It's an MG TF 160 special edition sports car, 2 seater convertible. It's yummy !! It was in Daventry just south of Birmingham airport, so we asked Frances to look after the kids that day, and Darren came and took us to the city airport where we caught the 7.10am flight to Birmingham. It was the flight I used to take to go back to Leamington all those years ago. Felt a bit wierd to be booking in to that same flight, although fantastic because I was not leaving Alan this time, he was right there beside me ! So.. the moment of truth.... climbing the steps to the plane - easy peasy and not purple by the time I got to the top...... walk down the aisle without my backside touching either set of seats beside me !!! Then I looked at the seat and though... ok.. here goes. Will I fit ?.... YES I DO. Plop.. in I went, into the seat with room to spare !! Then the belt, will I need an extension ?..... NOPE !!! There was lots of slack too ! hee hee !! Last challenge... the table. Will it or won't it... YES IT DOES !!! Oh how happy was I !? I even took a photo !
So then we got to the airport and then a taxi took us to Daventry and the car was sitting there looking great. It's a limited edition, they only made 500 of these beauties, so we were happy with it and the price too ! We did the paperwork, got in and drove off. We were close to Leamington, so we went via my old house to see what it was looking like now. They have built on a brick carport and porch. I am guessing they added a downstairs toilet there too. It was looking nice, but I still don't miss that stair bulkhead !! It was so low you'd bang your head on it every time you came down the stairs ! Then we took a ride over to see Eileen and John. She was absolutely stunned to see me and I was over the moon to see her too ! She said I was looking fantastic and she could not believe who was standing in front of her ! She and John are both looking great too, and it was a real tonic to see them both. We then left and drive through the pouring rain to the port of Holyhead in North Wales. It was not raining so bad in Wales and I got to drive a little way there. We got the HSS fast ferry across to Dublin and even that was a treat for us.... no kids to chase about the boat, to entertain, keep safe, and amused. We wandered about the boat hand in hand, and sat and had a cup of coffee, and then finally cuddled up and fell asleep. It was lovely ! We were home for 9.15pm and we went and checked the kids while Frances drove home in her new Fiesta !
Al has spent the last few days loving that car, and getting it polished and shiney and the attention to detail would scare you ! We ordered a hard top for it which came the day before we got the car. The courier company, parcelforce, got a bit heavy handed with it and managed to break the corner but because it's fibre glass resin, it is not covered on their insurance cover, so we have had to fix it ourselves. We got a fibre glass kit though and it is sorted now, and Darren is going to spray it silver for us so it matches the car in the winter. Al put new tyres on the back yesterday too, and got the front ones balanced, so it's all going well and feeling solid again. He is so happy to have this car and I am so happy that we have one again too. For all the reasons we made to get ride of the 135 that we had before, the main reason we sold it was that I was too fat to drive it. I was unable to get the seat belt around me as well as bring the seat forward so I could reach the peddles, so I was for ever crunching the gears. It was hard on the suspension too because it had been lowered, and was not the most comfortable of rides, and then I was pregnant with Michael, so it became impractical for us in the long run. He never once blamed me though, or accused me of being a fat lardy arsed girl, and that shows what a lovely bloke he is. He never made out that he minded that much, but deep down he must have. I feel so much better now though, that he has another MGTF because puts things right in my mind. I can put the belt around me and move the seat forward, and enjoy the drive as much as him now and WOW, what a car it is !! A flying machine ! A funny thing that I noticed when we were coming home though..... I thought I was sitting on my coat funny or that something was wrinkled under my bum because there was something poking into me. I felt down, and you know what.. it was not a clothing item poking into me at all... it was my coccyx ( tail bone) of my spine !! I had padding there before and it's gone now ! My bum was sore !
This last stone has been mighty difficult to shift. I was 13stone 12 for a fortnight, and then 13 stone 9 for another fortnight, and then 13 st 5 ( so I thought it was shifting again.... pah) then 13 stone 9 again ( WHAT? It went up ?!!!!) and then 13st 5 and then 13 st 3, and today I am 13 st 1lb. Tomorrow is officially my weigh day but I am working tonight, and I find that if I work, I tend to weigh heavier than I would first thing after waking up. I will weigh myself again on Thursday and see what I am, and probably put that weight in for this week. Here's hoping it's 13 stone nothing, or even 12 stone something !! 12stone anything will be incredible ! I need to be 12 stone 10 to be eligible for my plastics, so the sooner I get those few lbs off the better. I would need to be 11 stone by the time I get my plastics in an ideal world. I am guessing that I have 7lbs of skin to have removed, so that will take me to a 'normal' BMI of 25 at 10 stone 7lbs. How wonderful will that be !?! I can't imagine ! My friend Jayne had her tummy tuck this weekend just gone and is home already. I am thrilled for her to have had this, she's been waiting for such a long time poor thing. I can understand totally if she is peeved at me for getting my plastics so relatively soon but it's not like I went out there asking for it to be sooner. They called me !! Even now though, I am not 100% convinced I am going to get my plastics on the NHS without a longer wait, but hey ho, let's keep things crossed that I will get it done by christmas. She only went on Friday I think and had the surgery on saturday and was home on monday. That's fast !! I can cope with a couple of nights away from the kids and Al, as long as it's not 8 days like it was in Brugge. That really emotionally killed me, although the results were worth it !
Rachel and Aidan are about to finish their school year and they have had a good year really. Aidan's teacher has gone off on the sick for the rest of the school year, but his P2 teacher is just back from her sick leave/maternity leave, so she has been teaching the P1's for these last few weeks and getting to know them and will follow them into P2 next september. Whether we will still be living here by then I don't know. The house is still on the market but we cannot find anything else that we love as much as the Ballyhornan house. I really was in love with that place and even though it is still on the website and showing as for sale, I have my doubts it's going to still be there when we finally get any offers on this place. Then I am thinking 'is it worth the hassle of moving?' since the kids are settled and happy and we seem to be managing ok at the moment with the mortgage, and can remortgage next february and get the cost down a bit. I just don't know what to do for the best. Time will tell I guess. Just leave it on the market and see what happens.
Michael just turned 2 last sunday and is a wee angel. We could not have asked for a better baby boy. He's a delight to look after, so laid back and happy ! I cannot believe that this time next year I will be getting him ready to go to nursery school !! Where is my baby !? He's not a baby any more ! lol ! When he goes to school, I will not know what to do with my time ! I will have a peaceful house and no kiddies under my feet, so I will be able to go and visit and do the shopping without any prams or nappies ! It is going to feel wierd. I hope I adjust ok. It's not like I want any more babies anyway, but I am just so used to there always being one here when the others are at school ! It might be very liberating !
This blog is getting long, but I wanted to fill you in on how things were going on in my life. I am a busy chick really ! I am working on 6C at the Royal Victoria Hospital which is an upper GI surgery ward. I really like being in the same place all the time and being a member of the team. It's very educational for me too because surgery is not really my thing, but I am loving this. Surgical patients are far more independent than medical ones !! lol
That's enough typing for now. I will try and post a blog again soon... but don't hold your breath, you should know me by now !!

Sunday 22nd April, 2007

I had a lovely experience this morning. I was walking through the lobby at the Royal ( the hospital) and I saw some mates I used to work with on 7C, so I walked over to them. One of the nurses had not seen me since probably before my operation, and her chin really did hit the floor. It was such a buzz for me to get this reaction because it really does show me what a massive achievement I have made. She then asked all the usual, how much, and how, and where and when etc, which is fine by me, I love talking about my operation ! So, my friends from 7C, thank you for this morning. You made my day and I really appreciate your kind words of encouragement !

So.. what else has been happening. Well, we had our week in Frinton visiting my parents. Their reaction was favourable too, with Dad saying that I actually look better than he had imagined ! Not quite sure how to take that, but I think it was a complement ! They are now booked to go and see Simon Dexter in Leeds on May 25th to see about some form of Bariatric surgery for themselves. I hope Simon considers Mum for the RNY, and Dad for the Sleeve Gastrectomy. I think this would be the best option for both of them. The trip over and back was a long way for the kids but they really behaved themselves and it was a good week had by all. I ate more than usual while there though, and put a couple of lbs on, but I have them lost again now and then some, so that is ok.

We are still waiting on the right people to come along and buy our house. We have the house of our dreams sitting waiting on us, but no buyer as yet for this one. Here's hoping that it works out ok and they come along soon. I would be so gutted to lose out on the other one because of delays here.

Am in size 16 jeans now and feeling good. I got wolf whistled a couple of weeks ago too, and spent at least 5 hours with a grin on my face !! I am sure Al was bemused by it all, but I have no recollection of ever being wolf whistled before, and I am certain that 6 months ago it really would not have happened. Al said that these guys were just seeing now what he had seen all along, that I am sexy ! Grin got even bigger after that !! Oh, and while we were away, he pulled a pair of jeans out of the hold all and said, 'Are these yours or mine. It's getting hard to tell now !' my reply... ' Yessssssssssssssss' by way of triumph at this simple comment !!!

That's about it.... nothing much more to add.

Sunday 1st April 2007

Oh my gooness it's been ages!!! Sorry for not being a very dedicated blogger this past while. I have no valid excuses!!

OK, so here I am 6 stone 2 off, 22 weeks post op 14 stone 5lbs and wearing a size 16-18. I am very happy with my progress so far, although we are going to see my parents next week and I would have given my right arm to be a size 14 by then. Never mind, I am looking considerably better than I was the last time they saw me, and I think I will still give them, and my mate Pauline the 'WOW' factor when they first clock me !!
Pauline is one of my dearest friends, but I did not tell her about my operation. I wonder if she is reading this now ( subsequent to seeing me next week and being suitably gob smacked to check out my website !) and thinking... daft cow, why didn't she tell me? Well, I didn't tell you for a few reasons !! I didn't tell many people at all about my surgery. I didn't want anyone to try and talk me out of it, and I didn't want anyone to critisise me for opting for the surgery without hearing all the facts behind it, not that I thought you would do either, but we are not face to face very often and to have that kind of conversation could run up quite a phone bill ! Secondly, I knew that we'd be over at some stage after I'd lost a decent amount of weight, and I was using this trip as a target for my weight loss so I could see the look on your face when you saw me. Believe me, you were one of the ones at the front of my mind when I was having the operation. I hope you are pleased for me and see that this operation has made a real and amazing change to my life, and put a smile back on my face, which is now somewhat slimmer than it used to be !!
Yes, perhaps I should have let you in on my secret, especially if things had not gone to plan in Brugge and something terrible had happened to me, but it was a choice I made at the time, and believe me, having your reaction to work toward has been very helpful all these months !

OK... what else has been happening in the last month.... well, we have put our house on the market, and we have found the most beautiful bunglow imaginable. We are over the moon with the thought that we will be living there one day, hopefully sooner rather than later. It's gorgeous. We even started packing today ( and my back is reminding me of that fact right now as I sit here typing !!) and I realise I really am one hell of a hoarder !! I have chucked out stuff today though which is great for me, although a little traumatic if truth be known !! I also found stuff in the loft that I have been looking for since we moved 3 years ago so that was good !!!

I went to the WLS support group meeting yesterday and it was brilliant to see everyone again. I didn't get to the last one and I really missed it. Seeing everyone again really made my day. Kathryn is off to Leeds to go under the skilled and trustworthy handiwork of Simon Dexter and I could not be happier for her. I keep sending her positive vibes, hoping she is receiving them and knowing that she is going to be just fine. Eileen is looking superb, with the weight just dropping off her apace ! Marj is off for her plastics soon, and is Ruth. It's all happening. Best of all was seeing the boys, Paddy Joe and Ian. Paddy is only 1 week post op and has a grin like a cheshire cat on him, and Ian is looking healthier than I have ever seen him yet. Brilliant news for both of them and I am so relieved that they are both through their respective surgeries without any complications.

Finally, just before my 36th birthday in March, I got a phone call from the McIndoe Centre in East Grinsted. They were inviting me to attend the Ulster Hospital for a plastics consultation. I told them that I was not ready, and that although I had lost 6 stone, I still needed to loose 4. He told me that as long as this is off within the next 6 months they should still be able to do the op. I was floundered !! So I went for the appointment on my birthday, and have been told that it will probably still happen, but the consultant will see me again in a few months time to reassess me and see if I then meet the BMI criteria. So there I was, top of the world, practically skipping out of the out patients department with glee. I appreciate that some of the WLS members have been waiting for ages, and that they totally meet the criteria set out for the plastic surgery, and I respect that they have a right to be peeved at me, but I honestly did not expect this, nor did I chase it, they simply phoned me up and asked me to attend. I was not going to asked twice, sorry !! I hope that you guys can be happy for me, as I am for you to be getting your plastics soon too.

Right.. I had better go now. It's been a long long day, and I have a mountain of ironing to do and get out of the way before any more viewers come !! I will do my best to blog a little more often and keep you up to date with my news.

Oh.. and one more little plus !!!! I have not only found my collar bones, but was shocked and delighted to see in my photos that they are sticking out !!!! Yipee !!!!

Sunday 25th February, 2006

I just worked my first block booking shift on the ward at the Royal Victoria Hospital that has the RNY patients on it. Having been informed that the RNY's had lost their funding, and that there had only been 3 done, I did not expect to see any on the ward ! However, turns out there was a girl last week and there was a girl there last night too, post open RNY. I was not looking after her, but I mentioned to the nurse that I had also had an RNY and if this lady wanted to chat then I would be more than happy to. I went down to see her once I got my patients settled for the night, and found her behind her curtains having a little cry. She was so low, it was clear, and I wanted to offer her a glimpse of her future if she could just see beyond the here and now. She was sore and that was understandable. She said she regretted having the operation but I kept reinforcing that she will feel totally different about this givn a few months and a few stone off. She was so lovely, and I hope if you read this Lisa, you know that I am so happy to have met you last night and had a chat with you. I really hope it helped.
I shared the WLS forum website address with her, and urged her to go to the support group too, and I really hope she does. WLS is hard enough when you have the support of friends on the forum, never mind how isolating it would be without it.
I had a good shift and although it was busy, I am really chuffed to be working there. The staff and the JHO were quizzing me about my op, and the other ops available, and I was more than happy to blather on all night about it !!
Weight loss wise.... I am 3 lbs shy of 15 stone now, which means I need to loose anothe 3 lbs for my next goal ! Size 18 bum and size 20 top !! I have also noticed that when I sit on a hard chair, I can feel my bun bones !!!

Sunday 11th February, 2007

I was gutted on Wednesday to stand on the scales and have not lost a single pound this week. My size 20 jeans are getting loose on me, that's a fact, but to not even shift a single pound feels really grim. Anyway, I took more water and more protein, and lost the final 2lbs to get the 5 stone off on Thursday !!! I posted on the forum to announce that I had lost 50% of my excess fat, and got loads of wonderfully positive replies which really gave me a boost. I went on the cross trainer yesterday which I NEED to get doing more often, and lost another 2 lbs. I just need to give myself a jooly good kick up the arse to get going here.
Size 20 jeans... who would have thought it ?!! I never had size 20 jeans. When I was a size 20 before, I would always have worn leggings that stretched around me, but since getting used to wearing jeans, I cannot abide trousers that have no pockets !! I need pockets !! The waistband of the size 20's is actually loose, and I have to keep pulling them up, but it's my tummy flap that is preventing the size 18's from doing up at the mo. I will get there though !! I can't wait to be 14 stone something !! How wonderful ! Even if it takes me another month to lose a stone, by the time we go to Frinton I will be 13 stone then !! I so want to be a size 14 by the time we go there. Even if I am a size 16 though, that's ok. It's still a far cry from what I was last time we were there ! I am looking forward to seeing Pauline's face when she sees me !! lol
If you are reading this over Pauline, just know that YOU were my incentive to get the weight shifted before April and that seeing your face drop is the thing that is spurring me on every time I get on the cross trainer !!!
It's fab to feel my clothes getting loose on me. I wore a jumper that Al bought me a few Christmas's ago, 2 days ago. I had not worn it in a while because it was a little tight on me. Now it hangs on me, but is lovely and warm and snuggly !! My uniform is getting out of hand, but finances are not allowing me to purchase another one right now.
I had a lovely long chat with Irene, another prospective WLS patient, a couple of days ago. It's great to reassure others about the op, as well as have a long natter about the in's and out's of WLS. I got chatting to Louise from Newtownards yesterday too, and we are going to meet up for a coffee soon, before she goes to Brugge. Offering each other support like this is so rewarding. I could talk about WLS til the cows come home. I just love it.
Funny thing dawned on me yesterday too..... I was getting concerned that if the nursing registration body contacted me for evidence of my updating my research what could I possibly provide to proove that I have been researching. Of course I do research and I keep my knowledge up to date, but It's hard to prove that. Then I thought.. doh... my website. For goodness sake, there is weeks and months of research on that site that proves that I have learnt so much about WLS.
Anyway.... life, apart from being so financially strapped it's scary, is pretty good.

Wednesday 24th January 2007

Tomorrow is exactly 3 months from my operation, although today is exactly 13 weeks. I have finally sneeked just below the 16 stone weight, to 15st 13 !! Who would have thought that I would have achieved so much weight loss in just 3 months. My target of 2 stone by christmas was blown away, and here I am 4 stone 8lbs lighter than I was on op day. I should be exctatic. I say 'should' because I am miffed that in the last few weeks it's really slowed down and I don't really know why. It's taken me 3 weeks to loose 8lbs, when I was used to losing this amount in 2 weeks max. I know, I know... don't shout at me. I know it's coming off, and I know I should be delighted with any weight loss, but I am losing faith in myself which is not good. I know my clothes are getting looser and I know that I am feeling better about my body shape, I just wish the scales would be my friend again and show the weight loss happening more readily.
I am constipated to the hilt though. It's terrible. I guess the weight it not coming off because I am bunged up.
Anyway.. I will keep this short today. Just wanted to update this, and have a little vent of my feelings.

Sunday 21st January, 2007

I have been a little peeved that in the last 2 weeks I have only lost 5lbs however, I am noticing my clothes getting a little looser, so I know that inch loss is happening. I jumped on the scales on wednesday last week and was gutted because I so wanted to get the 4 1/2 stone off by then... don't ask me why, I just did. I was 16st 2 and needed to loose another 2lbs. Anyway.. today I got on the scales ( don't shout at me for weighing myself mid week, I can't help myself) and today I registered 16 stone on the nose... that's the 4 1/2 stone !! I am excited by the prospect of being 15 stone something now, and hoping that in the next couple of weeks things pick up again and I lose more than 5lbs. I should not grumble should I ? 5lbs in 2 weeks is more than I could ever have hoped for at Weight Watchers !! 4 1/2 stone is more than I could ever ever have hoped for at Weight watchers, and I also know that I would never have lost this weight so quickly at any diet club. This RNY has given me a new outlook on what I am fueling my body with and what I put in my mouth. It's fantastic. I no longer crave food of any fashion. I don't feel hungry, and I don't have to eat much to feel full. I made dinner yesterday, with 2 guests at the table, Darren ( Al's mate) and Frances ( mother in law) and I made a chicken dish with white wine and cream homepride sauce mix. I slow cooked it so it was nice and tender and the sauce had a good opportunity to make the chicken nice and soft for me to swallow. I steamed baby potatoes and carrots, sprouts and broccoli which was nice too. I ate too much. I wish I hadn't, but I foolishly ate my veg first ( always have, probably always will) and then the spuds (daft, cos I should have had the chicken) and then realised that the protein was the chicken and I needed that more than the rest of it. I managed most of it. I then had a small ( and I really do mean tiny) portion of apple pie and ice cream but was not able to eat it. I suffered for the rest of the night and it wasn't til I really thought about it that I realised that sprouts are not my friend !!
I took a windeeze tablet when I realised that I had trapped wind, and then let it do it's thing. Those tablets, for any RNYer out there, are a great thing to keep in your medicine cabinet just in case. They really worked for me last night.
My problem this week has been constipation. It's been really rough this week. I managed to shift some but today I am having real trouble getting comfortable. I sit on the loo and nothing happens, no matter how much I wish it would. I have been taking laxatives all week too but clearly they are not helping.
Frances said something to me last night at Bingo though... we were chatting away and I was talking about my 5lb weight loss and how peeved I was, and she said that it was bound to slow down now. I said, no, not at all, I will be in a size 14 by April when we go to see my parents. She laughed and said that IF I get into a size 14 then she will go and get one of these in her too ( referring to the operation which clearly she has been squalking to her daughter about and being advised that I have had a band when I really have not !). I said that I want to be a size 14 by April, but eventually I will be a size 10-12, and then I will have my tummy tuck and boob job. I still think she was under the impression I was joking... ah well !! It just served to reiterate in my mind that her thought process was 'As long as I am not as fat as Marika then I am fine' whereas I am actually already in smaller clothes than her.
Didn't win at the Bingo either !!

Tuesday 16th January 2007

It's been an interesting week. I have been talking a lot to my parents about their own weight loss surgery, if it is viable and if it's something that they would be able to adapt to afterwards if they went through with it. It's not the easiest thing in the world to cope with, changing habits of a lifetime to achieve weight loss. I have drafted an email for Dr Dillemans though, on their behalf and I will send it when they send me their medical notes and I can see first hand exactly what is what. Dad is also getting approval from his cardiologist before we proceed so all in all, it's quite exciting for them.
They have been to their GP to get her seal of approval and she is happy enough for them to go ahead, so that is another positive step in the right direction. They told me the GP asked about my excess skin once I have lost all my weight, to which they didn't really have an answer I don't think. They asked me about it later on the phone and I told them that I have been referred for Plastic surgery but the waiting list is about 4 years to even get a consultation. Dad said that when the time comes that I need plastics, then they would fund it for me. WOW !! This is amazing news. I am bowled over ! I can finally dream of a reality that is going to be a flat stomach and pert boobs !! I know my tummy is going to need work, there is no two ways about that, and I suspect my boobs will be heading south since they already are, but the rest of me will be ok. I just want to be able to wear nice trousers without a big bulge in the way. Wear nice bra's without my floppy skin hanging out over the edges, and to not be ashamed of my body. I am even more determined to get this weight off as soon as I can now. I want the 10 stone off by October and then to maintain til after Christmas and then I can book my plastics for this time next year. Possibly sooner, I don't know. It depends on this weight shifting. I am so close to being half way there already !! 4 stone 5lbs today, although I haven't really lost much this week.
My other problem is constipation. OMG !! I know I don't eat much so there is not much to come out the other end, but I haven't been for what feels like days, and I really need to !! I have been taking Bisacodyl every day, but clearly it's not working for me.
I am sitting here in a pair of lovely size 20 trousers, brown and quite dressy, with a brown jumper and a brown poncho over the top. I think I look great today !! It's so nice to be able to get up and get dressed in clothes that make me feel so great. I can do up my size 20 jeans too, but zipping them up would be a challenge. I am happy enough in my 22's for now, and I will wait for another couple of weeks to get the 20's on comfortably. There is no point being squeezed into clothes just for the sake of saying you are a size smaller. They generally look terrible when people do that, like they have been painted on, which just makes you look ridiculous.
Aidan is off school today and yesterday with Scarlet Fever. He is much improved since he started the antibiotics thankfully, but he had me really worried the other night. I had to cancel my shift to stay home and look after him. It would not have been a good idea to have incubated scarlet fever and taken it to hospital with me either though !!
I am feeling really restricted with my eating today. Even a cup of tea was hard work to swallow comfortably this morning. It goes like this some days. It's all part of the learning curve I guess.
I have just finished reading Carnie Wilson's 'I'm still hungry' book about her gastric bypass and how she got her brain around her weight loss too. It was a good read, and she is funny and entertaining, but I could not help but think, 'I wish you'd think for yourself. You go running off to your family, your friends, and most annoyingly, your therapist, before you will make a decision. It's madness !!' It's a very american book, but I enjoyed it, and I could relate to a lot of it too, so I am pleased I read it. I am about to get stuck into her first book, Gut Feeling, which leads up to her bypass, and the desicion to have it.

Tuesday 3rd January, 2007

So, here we are, another year and I am feeling guilty for not posting here for ages. To all who might be reading this, Happy New Year. I hope that you have a great one and that you achieve or get all that you wish for yourself in the coming year.
I set myself a target pre op that I would be over the moon if I had lost 2 stone by christmas. In fact I had lost 3 1/2 stone, and am now just 1lb shy of 4 stone weight loss since my op ! I am bowled over by this achievement, especially since it really has not been that hard to achieve !
I don't get hungry, and I really have very little appetite at all which makes it easier to deal with my RNY. I have been neglecting my exercises which kind of went on hold over the Christmas season. I went on the cross trainer today though !!
Had an interesting Christmas and New Year. Mother in Law was with us and I have no idea what is going on with her, but she was getting pretty catty with me, and I don't know why. She wanted to take over the Christmas dinner, which was NOT alright by me this year ! The last time she spent Christmas with us, I was pregnant with Michael and was feeling so ill that I could not look at the raw turkey sideways without heaving ! I was grateful for her being here then, but this time I was healthy and well, and ready to make a feast for us all, even if I was not going to be able to eat much of it !
She did the stuffing with the kids, which has become a little ritual and they love it. She stuffed the turkey on Christmas Eve, which was fine too. She had the turkey in the oven before I even knew it on Christmas day though, and then clapped her hands together and said that she would get the ham going. I said that the ham was an expensive ready prepared one, and it just needed to go in the oven for the last 1 3/4 hours. 'Oh, I have never had one like that' she said kind of down her nose at me ! Then I went to peel the veg and she was already there doing the potatoes and sprouts, leaving me the carrots but only because I had hold of them and I was not going to let to take them off me !
I was trying to split my time between the kids and the dinner, so I intended to get the roast potatoes par boiling at 12.30 and then into the oven for the last hour of the turkey cooking time. I thought MIL had gone to the loo but she came back into the room and said she had put the ham and roasties in already. I said ' When did you par boil them?' ' Oh, I don't par boil mine, I just put them straight in, why, do you?' ' Yes, I do' so I went and pulled them out of the oven and par boiled them. She came in behind me and started poking things about on the cooker and making sarcey comments about my cheese sauce, making out it was burnt when it flippin wasn't ! She said she had never made cheese sauce before. She said she was going to do something else too, but I had to say to her quite strongly that I could manage thank you very much !!
Her presents to me... 3 new saucepans - yes, I needed some, but they are gifts for the house not for me !! My second gift was some sewing scissors which was handy, and a handbag, which she got as a freebie back last february. She bought something from fashion world and it was the incentive thing... the handbag. She got sent 2 because she bought something off JD williams too. She gave me one of the handbags back in february, and has clearly forgotten because now I have 2, neither of which did she have to actually buy. There was a mystery gift under the tree which was cylindricle and squishy, and I left it til the last one. I opened it late afternoon and what was it... what could it be... 10 dishcloths. OMG. She bought me dishcloths. Words escape me. I went to a lot of trouble to get her stuff that she would like and find useful and we personal to her, but this was just plain bitchy. She invited us to dinner on the wednesday after christmas, having seen me only eat a sliver of ham and struggle with it on christmas day, she served up ham. Her ham... cooked the way SHE likes it ! Al said that mine was much nicer !! Love him ! She then handed him a present... a cardigan, zip up thing, with pockets and cable knitting, and suede shoulders !! It was totally hideous ! He was not impressed and said that it looked like it was for an old guy. She said no no... and older look would not have suede on the shoulders. Holy cow.. she has no idea !! She handed me some toiletries, making no secret that she won it at bingo. In fact the toiletries are quite nice.. sea salt scrub and mits, not so sure about the shower cap !! I took Al's cardy back to BHS with it's labels intact and exchanged it for a nice new size 20 chemise and a pair of jeans for me !! So, She did buy me something nice for Chistmas little did she know it !! lol
New years eve I worked 4c fractures at the Royal. The chimes were about to ring out and we were still busy, but we were able to stop and toast each other with a half cup of shloer. There was no time to explain that I could not have any. I didn't want to offend anyone, so I took a small sip, but within 3 mins I was dumping ! I did not feel sick with it but I was feeling faint, and I was clammy with palpitations. Not a great feeling !! It passed within about 30 mins, but then I needed to explain to the other staff why I had reacted. They were all very interested and supportive of what have had done. I hope this time next year there is money in the bank to allow me not to have to work either Christmas or New year. I missed Al so much.
Anyway.. I have to go and sort the kids out now, get them bathed and into bed. Al is back to work today and I miss him being here to share the kiddie care.