Saturday, 15th September 2007

Goodness me, I have left this a long time again but I have had good reason. My life has not been my own for the last month and a half and this is the first I have had anything even remotely close to a chance to sit and type. I felt I really needed to sit and write my blog today though, because I am feeling low and I am exhausted, but it's not purely from lack of sleep, it's from everything that is happening in my life and the way I am feeling about myself. I won't go into all that stuff because it is not relevant to my weight loss journey persay, and this is a weight loss journey blog. Suffice to say things are highly stressful here. My Step daughter is back living with us and so is her 2 year old son. She goes to college each day and I have my son Michael and her son Curtis to chase aboout after each day. Don't get me wrong, it's great for my weight loss, and I enjoy watching them interacting with each other too. It's just darned hard work !

So... I am 6 weeks 1 day away from going for my plastics. I am scared about leaving Al and the kids behind and going away for the week again. With everything up in the air here it's not going to be easy to leave at all. I will miss them all sooooo much. BUT, my tummy and my boobs need to be done. I can't stand the way I am right now. My tummy is a wrinkly mess or loose skin in folds, and my boobs, well, I could actually cry about them. They are saggy, wrinkly and downright ugly. I know that they are a real turn off for Al now. Things have not been great on the physical front between us for a month or more. He doesn't look at me with that 'look' anymore that reassures me that I am looking fab. He is a boob man, and I am no longer a booby woman. He said this morning that they are not the most attractive things.... verbatum, that's what he said. It was hard to hear, because this is my sexuality that he is affronting. I wish he'd lied or told me that because they are a part of me, he loves them just as much as he did when they were huge, rather than coming out with the cold hard fact that they are not attractive anymore. When I get talking to Patrick Dedoncker, my plastic surgeon, I will ask him to make me huge again. I don't want to be Jordan but I do want a full chest again. Whatever size that ends up, it has to be at least a DD or E. I pray that coming home with a flat tummy and a full chest again will make Alan want me more than he has ever done. I have never wained in my love or passion for him, but then he has not gained 6 stone and lost 9 stone during our relationship.
It was our 7th wedding anniversary last tuesday. I wanted to get all glammed up and go out for dinner, but Al was not up for that. He wanted to drive up the coast and get Fish and Chips and sit in the car and eat them. So I didn't get glammed up, we went and had fish and chips, and went out for about an hour or so. Gee whiz. We gave each other cards although we agreed not to, because he got me one, I had to get him one. He said that it would be a waste to go out for dinner when I can't eat much. I managed a small fish ( I removed the batter and ate the fish only) and a few chips, which was not bad for me at all.
On a lighter note, pushing a tandem buggy about Larne with two 2 year olds in it works wonders for weight loss. I am currently 11 stone 6 and have lost 9 stone 1lb in total. Even if I only get another 6lbs off before I go to Brussels then I will be happy.
Right.... I'd better go and get these kids out of the house for an hour or so, tire them out so the little ones go for a sleep after lunch time. I still have an ironing pile the size of Larne to work through, so I need them to sleep so I can get that done. Oh, and I have work tonight too... oh joy.