Sunday 13th July, 2008

I have been on a set of 4 nights so I have not had a chance to get to this blog for a few days. I wanted to post about the photographer that came round on thursday though, for That's Life Magazine !
I had all the usual panic about what I was going to wear, and a late night hair dying session to get rid of my roots, the night before he came, and Al was brilliant as ever, advising me what I should and should not wear.
He arrived about 11am, and was here for about an hour and a half. Al did not want to be in the pics at all which is fair enough, but they wanted pics of the kids and me together and they had a ball ! He had me sitting with the 3 of them on the sofa, and then some pics of me alone in the dining room, and then Michael came in to me and wanted to be picked up. The photographer nodded and was clicking away all the while I was cuddling Michael and giving him kisses ! It was so lovely !! He took pics of us out in the garden and then I mentioned that I had a pair of my old jeans which I'd put Aidan into with me at Christmas time and walked him round the house. He said ' ooh that's great, can you go and get them ?' lol ! So we did the skinny girl in big jeans photo and then Aidan in them with me, and then Rachel in one leg and Aidan in the other. At first it was funny and then it got me thinking that it was not actually that funny that I used to be able to wear these trousers without a belt even and that they were tight on me. These jeans were being held up for all to see what a grotesque monster I must have been pre op, and that I must have been so huge that it's impossible to believe such a woman existed. Ok, I am sure I am exagerating there, but you know what I mean. I WAS that person though, and I was ashamed of being that size and I AM glad I am not that size anymore, but I still have feelings and I still remember what it was like to fit those trousers.
I kicked myself up the bum though and decided that if even just one person reads my story and seeks help for themselves then it is worth the ridicule for these photos.