Friday 15th January 2010

So I am back with an update. We have celebrated a whole year in this lovely house and we are well settled here. The kids are happy in school - Michael started in the reception year in september and has taken to it like a duck to water, and I have my days to myself to do as I please !
Weight wise, since the zoladex and HRT finished I have been in a lot of pain, but my weight has dropped down to 10st 2 again which is nice ! It is bizarre though that a few lbs of weight can make the difference between a size 10, 12 and 14 ! I am able to get into my 10's but only just, and am more comfy in 12's, but 14's are too big by a mile now. I notic the difference now more than I ever did when I was big. I guess I was used to wearing huge clothes back then so everything was big and baggy. Alan hates me in baggy things now so things are more fitted and shapely so I guess this is why I notice the difference between the dress sizes more - there is less room for movement, expansion or bloating ! lol
We have been honoured to be asked to be godparents to our friends child, and the occasion of his christening is coming up in February. I have addressed the clothing dillema this morning though which I am quite pleased about, having got a gorgeous charcoal grey / black skirt suit which is beautifully fitted and feels gorgeous. I intend to wear a brightly coloured jumper or blouse under the jacket to lighten the colour mix, and perhaps a chiffon scarf, although this doesn't lend itself to handling small babies because they like to pull at such things ! I have a pale pink polo neck jumper on today and it actually looks lovely with the suit because I tried it on in the changing room in the shop while I was wearing this jumper. Maybe I will wear this.... don't know yet. We'll see what Alan says. He is the clothes guru when it comes to dressing me the way he thinks I look best. He generally gets it spot on too.
Talking of Alan's clothes taste, he got me a totally gorgeous soft leather jacket for christmas, and a skimpy cream colour off the shoulder jumper. I have a hubby with the best taste ! His Mum bought me a pair of brown leather ankle boots too which are great with my other jackets, and makes me look great ! It's hard for me to see that I look good, because even after all this time I still see me as a huge person. I still worry about my size and shape, and get embarrased about the idea of being weighed infront of anyone. I had to have a pre op assessment for a gynae operation I am due to have (when they bother to call for me) and even then I was not one bit keen to stand on her scales. I haven't got anything to worry about, but old habits die hard. Likewise when I was at work recently the girls and I were talking about weight issues and how it makes you feel underconfident and devalued, and they made a pact to try and lose some weight together. They started by getting the weighing scales and weighing each other. If I had been asked to get onto the scales I would have wanted to curl up in a tiny ball and cry ! It was such an inground shame that I carried for the majority of my life that even now it is still making me feel this way. However I know that I am healthier now than I ever have been. I feel good, and clothes fit me generally without any squeezing ! I still want to get my legs done - they are awful, but until I get this gynae op I can't plan anything.
So that is the update.... not a lot has happened really ! lol